This made me laugh so much and was absolutely appropriate for this particular post. This post also sort of goes along with my last one in a way, but is really when people say something to me and I don't understand what they're on about at all. Confused? Yeah, I'm apparently really great at that. This picture is really one I took because it was so unbearably hot. Like mid 90's, heat index in the 100s, a billion % humidity (Ok, probably just 70 - 80), and it's my 'What the fuck is up with this weather?' face.
But I'm pretty certain it's fairly close to my 'What the fuck are you talking about?' face. So what does this have to do with my last post? Well, that one was unwanted (insert creepy and wrong) sexual advances. This one is a more positive tone; either people hitting on me or passing a compliment, but are weird and the timing is wrong? I can do compliments, when they're warranted. Examples include singing in the car and people pull up beside me and cheer because I'm doing something awesome and well. OK, sure, I can get on board with that. I'm actually doing something. Or the time I was grooving to some disco music in Michael's and this older couple gave an excited nod and smile and said, "Go on now!" because either I was good at dancing (I'm thinking not), or that I had an appreciation for some good old fashioned steppin' music and was dancing in public when other people don't (yeah, I think it's that one.) But I'm not talking about those compliments. What are weird compliments, you might be wondering? They're me being stopped in the produce section of the grocery store because this woman wants to ask about health things. That's not uncommon in the south. Strangers will talk to you all the time, but I still find that weird. But then in the middle of it, she gave me the compliment of how I must know what I'm doing health wise because I look really great. It is important to differentiate here. A white woman isn't going to say that I look good because I don't have the body style she strives for. I've not had a single white woman say that I look good and only two small breasted women say that my boobs look great only because I've got big one's and they don't. More times than not it won't be odd for a black lady to say that I look good, but it's always been in the context of trying on clothes at the store and they're honest about if something looks good on me or not, which is not really the same. She was also not a black lady whose body style is going to be long and lean. We kind of looked similar in body style, but I suppose I was the tiniest bit smaller than her. But I'm not small by any means. I look like someone had a lot of dough to get rid of and just rolled it all up and fashioned a girl out of it. I'm round everywhere. Round arms, boobs, legs, butt. I suppose it was odd because I'm not used to women saying that I look that good. Like I live a healthy life and am a perfect weight, which is basically what she was implying. And it was odd because I don't exercise (except when I can swim) and I don't eat well often and I'm not thin in the slightest. Not even slim plump. Plus, just the mere fact that I was stopped by a stranger in the produce section on a random Tuesday night to talk about apples and healthy food and then get hit with how I look great. I'm pretty sure I made that face because it was so out of left field, right? Two nights ago, I walked out of Target and some girl was yelling, "Get it girl! Work it!" like I'd sauntered out like I was on the Milan cat walk doing a half turn and hair swoosh. I'm pretty sure it was more of a schlump and dawdle and not a sashay, plus I was sweaty and just...well, walking. I did make that face and think she was crazy and continued walking to my car. The thing is, that wasn't a joke. You could tell she wasn't making fun of me or just having a laugh or something. She really thought I was awesome for some reason, but it would have made a lot more sense if I'd been swaggering out the exit door and being dramatic and swishing my hair and giving pouty lips or something. But, I wasn't. So it was weird, and what am I supposed to do with that? I don't receive many weird, out of context, compliments, but those happened just this year, so I remembered them. I have had a few really odd pick ups, which though two were quite questionable, I didn't consider them sexual assault, because well, they were just so stupid. I was worried about the first guy, but I really just didn't want him trying to follow me home or jump in my car, but I pulled up at a filling station to get some petrol, get out of the car and this guy is all, "Oh my god you're soooo fine! Take me home! Take me home!" I did give that face and I was most certainly thinking, "What the fuck...?!?" And he followed me into the store to pay (I had finished getting petrol and was then paying, it was before you had to pay first and then pump), and he kept begging me to take him home. I was trying to ignore him because I didn't know what to do, but then he started talking about my butt and I made a face and the female clerk was like, "Leave her alone! She's not gonna take yo dumb ass home." I said, "Damn straight, that's right!" He tried to follow me out of the store, but she wouldn't let him. Now, the reason my behind played any part in this is because it's really big. Apparently Baby's Got Back, so to speak and apparently this guy took Sir Mix-A-Lot's song to heart. *rolls eyes* I probably wouldn't have liked the song anyway, but I really dislike that song because it was used to taunt me by stupid white boys. I also don't like Queen's Fat Bottomed Girls either. I don't care that we apparently make the rockin' world go round, it just reminds me of prepubescent and teenage white boys mocking me. This guy was black. The store clerk was black too. Not that all black guys like larger backsides, but I have found that 98% of white guys do not. A white clerk wouldn't have done anything, but a black lady clerk would have told a fool he was being a fool, which she absolutely did, and I totally dug that. She was awesome. Anyways, the next worst incident was by a Hispanic guy. He could only see from my bust up as I was sitting in the car, but as he drove past us, he leaned halfway out of his downed window and started "romantically" serenading me with "Oooh, damn girl, you're so fine, have my babies, have my baaaybeeeehs!!!" I definitely made that face at him. I'm sorry, but one, I don't want to be catcalled, and secondly, I certainly don't want to be some random guys baby making machine. It's funny because what the fuck, but still eww and no. I want to find all the other girls this has happened to. Are y'all out there? Have you had some guy hang halfway out his car window and scream at you to have his babies? If so, let's talk, because I want to get a running tally on this. The other two times (yeah, there's not a lot of times I've been hit on) were weird but not that weird. One time I was driving down the highway with the windows down like ya do, and this guy in an unmarked white van pulled up beside me. Yeah, that part is slightly alarming, but he did seem nice. What was weird is that I'm trying to drive and he's keeping pace with me asking me to go on a date with him. I made that face because dude, we're driving down the road, what the hell? I said no. He wouldn't take no for an answer though. I stealthily slipped a ring on my wedding finger and said I was married and showed him my "wedding band". It worked and he apologized for asking me out. A month later on the same stretch of road the same guy was driving beside me asking me on a date. I made a different face this time. The face of shock where your mouth forms an O. For one, I was like, "Seriously I'm that forgettable?" and also "I have to go through this shit AGAIN?" I gave him the O face and said, "Dude, you already tried this shit before. You asked me out last month. You've forgotten so quickly?" Which, I was a bit harsh about it and he felt badly and then I felt badly for being so stingy, but come on! So, come on ladies, how many of you have been asked out on a date from a moving vehicle? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Can't just be me, right? The last one was odd, but also kind of sweet. I'm not really a drinker, but there was this fancy pants martini spot up from our house so The Sister and I went there. I ordered Wedding Cake because dessert martini of course! There was this older man in a sweater over a button up shirt. He was probably in his 70s or 80s. I was still in my 20s, though pushing 30. He wanted to buy my drink for me. I don't feel comfortable being beholden to people. I know that in a lovely world a drink purchase doesn't constitute any kind of pay back, but we don't live in that world. What in the world does some really older gentleman want with buying me a drink? My brain didn't think he'd want sex (do octogenarians have sex?), but would it be my first born or a cat or my soul? He was really insistent and he just wanted "to buy a pretty gal a drink". He really did say gal, it was like the 1940s. He's probably remember the old days or something. It's weird in the south because you're not supposed to sass your elders. If an old person wants to give you something you have to take it. He didn't seem to want anything except to buy me a drink and remember probably some gal with great gams that he once met back when he was in his 20's or something. So, I said thank you and accepted. Though he said I was pretty, it was like your grandpa saying you're pretty. Or your sister. Or your best friend. It didn't feel sexy or sleezy, it was just a statement like you'd make about the sun being yellow. It doesn't mean the same if it comes from someone where it's almost expected like that, as opposed to that really cute guy you've been eyeing, or reversely and worse that creepy guy whose been eyeing you in a really wrong and ick way. So, it felt kind of OK letting him buy me a drink and have his reminiscence of time gone by and I helped with that and it didn't seem gross. And hey now I can say a guy has bought me a drink before, because really he was the only one. I'm laughing here but is it really all that funny. You decide.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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