So I'm doing this genealogy photo a day (which will be a blog post next month when I'm finished) and getting ready for my parents' 50th (even though it's not until May); which means that I've been rummaging through photo's and documents, so I'm thinking a lot about family. We'll start with that first photo. I don't know why it freaks me out, but it does. It freaked The Sister out too when she saw it. See all the photo's in this post were from slides that I had digitally scanned in with the help of a friend recently. I'd never seen some of these (though a small few, mom decided to have made into photographs, so I'd seen them my whole life). This one though, was brand new to me. I'm not sure why it freaks me out. Is it that they're all together? Is it that they're all together before either The Sister or I were born? Is it the weird angle? (I'm sure it was a self timer on the camera). Is it that my mom is wearing slippers? I don't know, but I'll explain the photo. So, this is my dad's family. That's his parents (obviously) in the center. He and my mom are on the left (and he's beside his high school graduation photo). That's his younger brother, my Uncle Mark on the right, when he was in high school. Then there's his older sister, my aunt Vicki, with her then husband, my Uncle Archie (he's a Yankee) and she's underneath her high school graduation picture. No one in this photo has children, which might be why I'm freaking out. The Sister would be born in 1974, Martin (my aunts son) would be born in 1977, I would arrive in 1980, & uncle Mark wouldn't start having kids until 1987. So, perhaps it's so weird because it's 1972/1973 right before everything started happening. And so much has changed since then and now that none of them could have imagined. My grandfather passed away in 1993 and my grandmother in 2012. Aunt Vicki and Uncle Archie split after I was born and he moved back up north, started a new family, but would come back and visit his son when he was younger. He's still family though and came to both of my grandparents' funerals. Uncle Mark is still married to his wife and has five kids; four that are his and one step son. The older three have kids and families of their own now. Dad and mom are still together, though dad's been through several heart surgeries (the first while his father was dying and the last one after his mom died); & though mom would go through several miscarriages and the death of her father before having me, which changed her. She was Jill in this photo. Right after her father died and before I was born, she became Rachel (Rachel's her real name, while Jill was given to her after she was adopted - but it's not the name change apparently, everyone that knew Jill said that Jill died and they don't know Rachel.) Something broke my mom before I was born. They have us two kids, but lost our older brother, almost fourteen years ago. He wasn't their kid, he was my mom's older sisters' kid, but they both fell in love with him when he was born and he really was like our family. That broke them in a way as well. Maybe it's simply the fact that we're looking at Jill. So here we have my parents as new parents, as that's my older sister they're holding. They look so young (because they were! 25 & 26), and dad looks like he's sculpted out of butter or something. He'd converted to Mormanism by this time. I also forgot that he wore a watch. He worked in the Jewelry department of Wilson's (which later became Service Merchandise). But he didn't just sell jewelry, though he was good at that, he had apprenticed with this guy on the coast and had learned to manufacture jewelry, which he would do in his own business by 1978. They were living in a trailer (of which they are posing outside of in the first photo) and do not know that they'll have two houses before ten years is up. My mom doesn't know she'll lose babies. My mom doesn't know her father will die or that her cat will be killed or that she'll almost die from having me. My dad doesn't know that the jewelry store that he'll open will be robbed 6 months after opening. Or that he'll struggle to make ends meet because no one wants to have their jewelry made. Or that he'll close his doors in 2001. In these photo's they do not know that they'll have a second daughter, who at age 38, will be looking at these photo's wanting to tell them that they are septegenarians now. Down stairs right at this moment. Together, but separate. Mom is riddled with arthritis and spends most of her time hobbling around between the computer and the den to watch telly. Dad can't hear, so they don't watch telly together. She can't move, so she won't go out with him running errands. They can't play cards together because dad is too fussy. They don't know that they're 38 year old daughter still lives at home and takes care of them in their old age. Tries not to let them take advantage by having her do things they simply don't want to do, but can do. Or that you, dad, have just called up the stairs asking me to play Gin Rummy. I don't feel like playing cards, but I don't know how long I'll have my parents around. I get swept up in moments of embracing them. He couldn't even hear that I answered yes. I can't tell the man in the photo's this because it's a photo. He probably wouldn't believe me anyways. Besides the fact that it would probably ruin everything in the scheme of time; for people to have knowledge early. Perhaps it's all so weird because I don't know any of the people in some of these photos. Sure they're my family, but in the moments in which these images were captured, This my families' first home in Hattiesburg. Married, my mom lived with my dad's parents for awhile (her father kicked her out for eloping) & dad was at Marine Boot Camp. After he came back that lived in a tiny duplex in Bay St. Louis. Then they moved up here, got a trailer and The Sister was born. My parents are big on driving by and reminiscing, aloud, about any former home. Any time we'd drive down this certain road, mom would say, "That's where our trailer was", which at the time it was still a small trailer park. Now, it's the entrance to the Cineplex. They'd go onto to move into a small starter home on Grace Avenue (of which I've heard all about and they always point it out, still, if we drive by it). They were expecting me and the house was too small and apparently they were able to purchase our current home for a song because it was reportedly haunted and no one else wanted to buy it. So about 1975 to early January 1980 is when they lived at grace. Mid January 1980 to present at this house (& I'd be born in September). The trailer I think was from 1972/1973 to about 1975. In the photo is my mom, The Sister, Fluffy the cat, and my dad's younger brother Mark. He's younger by eleven years. Mom and dad started dating when she was 15 and he was 16. So my Uncle Mark has known my mom since then. I think he had a crush on her. Dad told him to take care of mom once (had to be before they were married or either they'd just been married?) and Uncle Mark took my mom out on a date. He was 12 or something. It was apparently cute. But he pretty much vowed to marry a woman like my mom. He found a dark haired, pale faced woman and married her when I was four. They're still married today. He also became a jeweler like dad, but just worked sales and didn't learn manufacturing. It's overly apparent that he thinks his big brother is super cool. So, he came and stayed for a week or two with my parents in that trailer and this is the photo from that time. He was still in high school. I'm guessing it was summer, since that's when he would have time off and because The Sister is so tiny and was born in early May. That's my paternal grandparents, Merrell & Betty, with The Sister. There were a few lovely slides with my grandpa holding The Sister, but I'm told that he made this face because The Sister peed on him, because the diapers were rubbish back in 1974. It's hilarious. The Sisters' expression of uh-oh, my grandpa not at all happy that a baby peed on him and my grandmother looking like she's just said, "Oh, Merrell, it's a baby, it's what they do, just smile." This photo is from the early 1980s (1980 or 1981) because my cousin looks about three and was born in 1977. This is one of those generations pictures, where humans like to line up related people of various ages, the whole so and so begot so and so thing and then document it. So, on the right is my great-grandmother Bessie Abernathy (maiden name of Adams) - she's who we get the stout look and peanuts gang forearms from. Then dad's older sister Vicki, holding her only child, Martin. Then my grandmother, Betty. The only two people in the photo that are still alive are my aunt and her son. Bessie would die in 1985 (it was summer and I was four, so it must've been '85). I barely remember her, but I remember her being really sweet. I liked her, from the little that I can recall. My grandmother died 28. December. 2012. Before we focus on me, we'll show some photo's back from the 1960s. This is how the slide scanned in first, which I like because it's so random and weird, but really there was a full shot of these ladies, whom neither I or dad could identify (& he was there!!). I'm guessing from the other people in other slides that it was an Abernathy reunion and these were probably my great-grandfather Boyd's older sisters. This picture freaks me out too. I know it's not unheard of for kids to pile on a bed and plot world domination while colouring. What creeps me out is why is that one kid battened down in a hooded jacket like it's sub-zero weather? What was being plotted here? I don't know any of these kids except the kid in the center back wearing the dark t-shirt. That's my uncle Mark. This is a shot of my uncle Archie at that same reunion. I'd mentioned earlier (with the first pic) that he's pretty much family even though him and my aunt divorced in the early 1980s. It's just weird to have a random, lone photo of him at a reunion that isn't his. This one isn't as weird, because he's with the person that should be at the reunion. I wouldn't have included it, but you've seen both of them in the early-mid 1970s and then my aunt in the early 1980s. So, this is what they looked like before they were married to each other. And here are my parents before marriage. Pictures like this remind me of those shows or films where there's an old person and people who are younger just think they're crazy for doing this or that, but someone who knew them younger says, "They've always done that!" As soon as Star Trek premiered, dad got the Captain Kirk haircut. He'll deny it, but he totally has that hair cut. He's had it since 1966. He still has that hair cut today. He may have gained weight (filled out like men do, as well as a Buddha Belly), but he still wears these same clothes. Madras shirts, slacks, and dock shoes. That's if he's dressing up. Otherwise it's jeans, a t-shirt, and dock shoes. Always with a belt. My mom's fashion has changed quite a bit, and I don't know why she did the weird pony step in practically all of her photo's from this time, but thankfully she doesn't do this anymore because it bothers me. It's not a slide, but a comparison shot (& not that good of one really, as dad hadn't fixed his hair. Honestly it's a side part that swoops, this just looks like he has bangs). But I did the human thing of let's compare past and present (the present being about 3 - 5 years ago). Mom was still insistent on dying her hair black, but we've since convinced her to stop dying it. It looks MUCH better all grey. (Probably a combination of it looked like she'd applied shoe polish to her hair and it's more age appropriate). Those are their graduation from university pictures (though dad didn't graduate technically). Her photo hangs above his bedside table and his photo above hers. My grandpa, dad, & I will stand like in that first photo. Throwing one hip out because it's more comfortable. It's only that noticeable on pictures of my grandpa when he was younger and thinner and when dad was younger and thinner. This picture I love for several reasons. One I miss that couch, even though it was scratchy like burlap. That thing in my lap that looks like a dark thundercloud is exactly that. A plastic toy with a grumpy dark cloud on one side and happy white cloud on the other. You add water in the top and the cloud would rain. I loved that bath toy. The toy in my mouth is Kermit The Frog and was not mine. He belonged to The Sister. Besides the fact that I look really cute for a human baby, The Sisters' expression is one of amusing exasperation like "Ugh... The baby is stupid!" & it makes me laugh. Those first two slides aren't me obviously, but from other slides in the series I'm a baby inside that box, along with The Sister and our cousin. Just the only two people in these particular slides are The Sister and my mom. The last, while it's featuring me (& The Sister is beside me), the main focus for me is my mom off to the left. My first tangible memories are when I'm four. When I was four I didn't have a mother who sat and played on the floor or ground, yet, she apparently still did this when I was born. She also didn't go barefoot. Yet, here we have two slides of her being barefoot. Two with her in the grass & this last one she's actually cross-legged. My mother never sat cross-legged from when I can remember. "Oh, yeah, mom used to be fun!" is what The Sister said in regards to these slides. It's something I've heard my entire life. That mom used to be cool and fun. That mom used to be Jill. That Jill was awesome. However, things that would have made her change apparently took awhile to take effect. She was born Rachel Dianne, but upon adoption she was renamed Jill. Jill is who dad met and fell in love with. Jill is who her married. Jill is who gave birth to The Sister. Jill is who became super BFF's with her Costa Rican friend, Pita. Jill is also who lost a father, miscarried, and lost the cat she'd had since her teen years. Jill is who was devastated and only our family friend could force her up out of bed. Jill changed her religion to Catholicism on Halloween. However, after all of that, Jill changed her name back to Rachel. Rachel had another miscarriage. Rachel was pregnant with me. Rachel's spleen exploded and I was pulled out of the incision on her abdomen as the doctors fished around for the problem. Rachel is who almost died. Rachel is who didn't bond with her new baby. Rachel is who had severe depression for months and months and months and wouldn't take care of her new baby. Rachel is who couldn't go upstairs and lived in the dining room for those depressive months. Rachel is the person who is sitting in the grass playing with her daughters and Rachel is who is sitting cross-legged and barefoot on the floor with her daughters taking pictures of us (along with dad, obviously, but she is holding a camera). So did all the death and near death take awhile to catch up? Because the mom I knew always wore jeans or nice slacks and nice blouses, no nice t-shirts like in those first photos, no loungy whatever those white pants are. She always wore shoes. She never sat on the floor or kneeled on the floor or got on the floor in any capacity. She always sat properly in chairs and acted waspish. Was it because by the time I can remember, mom had found this crazy Cradle Catholic who'd been incestually messed with and was certain everything was the devil? Because I think that is really when Jill/Rachel lost her fun. Following that crazy woman and selling religious toys (Christian toy bears with bible passages on their stomachs instead of the "evil" Care Bears.). Because pretty much from when I can remember, everything was evil and mom wasn't fun and she was weird, and I don't know the Jill/Rachel anyone else knew prior to this religious catastrophe. These slides are all rather similar. They show little me wandering away. I was a big wanderer. It's why I got to explore Fort Massachusetts all the time by myself, because I'd just wander away from the hot, shadeless beach and find the only shade available. I was also constantly wandering away in department stores and hiding in the clothes. I stopped when the one time it was too much. There was this ominous voice booming throughout the store about a little girl who was lost. It sounded scary and I didn't want to come out. So, I kept running from clothing rack to clothing rack to avoid detection because I don't know... I thought I'd be eaten or exploded if I was found? Hid in a rack on a wall and this middle aged black lady was looking through the garments. She was getting closer and closer and I'd be spotted, but there was no chance to run for it. Poor lady pulled two blouses apart on the rack and saw an unexpected kid and screamed. That was my queue and I ran for it, hiding in a free standing clothing rack. It took forever for me to be found because I was too scared to come out. Normally, I'd hide in the clothing racks in stores and mom would shop and I'd come back to her; and on some occasions, she'd hunt me down and find me. That particular time she alerted the store and security was after me; apparently she'd had enough of hunting me down. However, she never said, "Look. I don't like having to constantly look for you. Could you just stay close?" I'm serious, that probably would have worked with me. But I didn't know she didn't want me wandering off, she never really cared or seemed to care prior to that. So, the escalation of events was horrendous for me. There are a lot of photo's I've seen over the years where I'm wandering away, not staying by my family. But back to these slides. So, this was a trip to Stone Mountain in Georgia. Where they've scratched Confederate Generals into the mountainside and there's an amusement park? I don't remember it. But apparently it was the four of us and then my dad's older sister and her son. Most of his photo's from this are interesting because he's wearing a Confederate generals' souvenir hat... along with his New York Yankees jacket. It's quite the juxtaposition! I don't remember this trip at all. Or if I do there's nothing coherent enough to form an actual memory; just fragments lost in space and time. Apparently our cousin (three years older than me, three years younger than The Sister) kept saying, "We're all gonna die!" for the entire trip and she's always found him annoying and that tipped the bar for her apparently, because she just remembers him being exeadingly annoying on this trip. Is that why she's trying to cover her ears when we're on some boat? Could be. Also this is one of the strongest memories I have of my dad; him looking some some coach for a little league team. He always wore this type of men's t-shirt, coach shorts, sport socks up to his knees, and trainers. If we were at the beach, like actually mucking around at the beach crabbing or floundering, he'd wear a white t-shirt (like a man's undershirt), long length jean cut-off shorts, and boat shoes. If we were at home he'd wear these same coach shorts and a medical scrub shirt in either maroon or light green. If he wore a shirt at all, because he's never worn one if he could help it (we even saw younger pictures of him as a teenager and he's just wearing shorts at his house). It's probably because he's spend so many years wearing a suit with jacket and tie, and then when he had his own business, it was business casual; a short sleeved dress shirt and dress slacks. He always wore a watch no matter what. Now that he's gotten older and the jewelry store days are far behind, he's reverted back to the dress of his youth. Jeans with the cuffs tucked under, boat or dock shoes, and madras button up shirts or a plain t-shirt; both tucked in. Still don't remember it, but here's the proof that we saw this ridiculous thing. I won't say it was a wasted trip, because there was an amusement park and that's pretty much the take-away for us kids. It wasn't a Confederate themed amusement park (I don't think it's really in conjunction with the effigy, I think it's just nearby) or anything, just a local amusement park with crazy cars and cotton candy and who knows what else, because I know know what I've seen in slides and photos. And this is our final slide. It's not the only slide that was digitized, it's just you don't want to sit through three hundred of them, so I've picked the choice ones, in my opinion.
This is our den. The same where I'm sitting on the floor eating Kermit up there. That telly and rolly cart I do remember. I remember it being on the east wall in between the built-in bookshelves. Later it was moved here to this position on the south wall and a desk was put in the opening between the shelves. Later dad would build a fireplace there. He didn't finish it, but he built a fireplace from nothing. It works, it's just not pretty and he stopped working on it in 1987. My memory with this telly is really that a girl from down the street was baby sitting me. My mom swears she wouldn't have asked her to baby sit, but then why was she in our house because she didn't really hang out with The Sister (the girl in question was only three or so years older, but she was angry.). She was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, watching the telly. Bossed me to get her some water. I chose our plastic souvenir cup from Sea World (probably the only one I could reach) and brought her ice water. I accidentally spilled it on her and she punched me in the arm and I fell over. I thought it was funny as it didn't hurt. Turns out we're related to this girl because of my mom's birth family, so that's weirdly interesting. The curio cabinet we still have, it's just in our parents' room now. Has been for awhile. It's all mom's knick-knacks from childhood. We still have that little chair and the cats sleep in it (sometimes) in the den. The green thing is a melamine ashtray and we still have it. The glass circle, we still have. It's either the penguin or the cat. The front is smooth and the back has the carved out animal. Mom gave me the penguin & the cat is in the living room. That's The Sisters' polaroid that dad's parents gave her as an Xmas gift. The blue thing to the left is a baby seat cover. I don't remember it, but I've seen plenty of photo's featuring it. Mom picked the fabric out and our family friend sewed it. It looks like blue denim, has a large white cat wearing a red ribbon all over it and the words "Fat Cat" all over it. I currently have a very large white cat that calls me Yaya (Greek for grandmother). His name is Yata (Greek for cat). The wall we're looking at is the south wall. To the right of the telly (the dark spot past the chair and picture on the wall) is the entry way to the kitchen. To the left, behind those gold curtains are the sliding glass doors leading to the deck. There's a basement below us and underneath the deck is a cement patio for the basement. It was a long deck (with another set of sliding glass doors off the kitchen), with a step down onto a smaller deck. That deck went west towards the breezeway and east towards steps down into the backyard. We lost the stairs into the backyard when I was pretty young. Sixish? Termites. Mom and dad rebuilt the little deck since it was rotting from termites. Then the larger deck needed fixing, but mom wanted a sun deck, so dad was going to build it. The Sister fell through the short set of stairs before construction and was sort of stuck, but got herself out. She has a scar of the back of her thigh from the wood gouging her. So, when I was thirteen dad tore down the deck. It was like the Winchester mystery house, because you'd open the sliding glass doors onto a 12 foot drop. I vividly remember being thirteen and having the sliding glass doors in the den open and sitting on the floor near them watching The Last of the Mohicans on tape on our console TV. I paused half-way through and went to the opening and sat on the edge with my legs dangling out; thinking it was weird that nothing should be there and seeing two little steps and the smaller deck over the wide yawn of nothingness. Then dad built a room out of nothing. The deck had been held up by the L-shaped side of the house and one metal beam at the south east corner. It's how the room is being held up. He's never happy unless a thing is perfect, and since perfection eludes him (because perfection isn't real), he's rarely happy with results. Case in point, this sun deck. I'm still amazed that he built a room out of thin air. I'm still impressed. Not because he's not smart enough, but never having done such a thing before he simply said, "I can do this", looked in a fix-it book and built a freaking room out of thin air.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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