...is of about as much use as a moped in mud. But, it's true. I apparently have the perfect, historical, dowry. The Sister and I joke about marriage. Technically if we lived long ago, we wouldn't have all of this stuff so wouldn't be "perfect" wives to be, but as it stands, we're kitted with vast dowry's and none of it means anything. Which is why we laugh. Coming across this in my feed made me laugh a little too at the realization of the ridiculousness of it all. Millennials Fireback at Baby Boomers Who Say They Spend Too Much on Unnecessary Luxuries. And it is true. Though I am not a Millennial, I do feel their plight sometimes. Baby Boomers will talk about unnecessary luxuries and then have the craziest things. Like having a separate living room simply to be fancy and receive guests, or pillowcases to cover pretty pillows, or fine china and crystal that they don't use unless it's a rare and special occasion. Because we still live with our parents, we made changes. The living room is now the library, because we have a lot of books, and is where there computers are set up, so it's no longer a fancy show room for receiving the odd guest. I say odd as in we're like The Addams Family and no one really wishes to visit us, so guests are very few and far between. What was the point in the room as it was? There's no more fancy this or that and while we do break out all of the good stuff for guests, we're using it for ourselves as well, because what is the point in having the fine china or crystal or silver if you yourself "can't" really use it whenever you want? A friend of ours brought her cousin to our house. It was her cousins birthday. We broke out our favourite sets of china, crystal, and silver. Because it was her birthday, and we like birthdays! I hadn't realized that her cousin seemed nervous. She whispered something to our friend who replied, "No, this is just how they normally are." I inquired further and basically her cousin thought we were parading around all of this wealth to make her feel bad, but our friend told her that we're just weird and eat like this a lot, that it wasn't some sort of put down. It's like we're the Mad Tea Party in Alice in Wonderland. Whatever you think we might be doing, is actually the very opposite and seen as very, very strange to other humans. So, let's talk about all of this "wealth", shall we? Our perfect dowries would contain parcels of land, quilts, fine china, fine crystal, silver wear, silver candlesticks, silver coins, jewelry and gemstones, silver tea sets, and Persian carpets. It's all I can think of right now, which actually makes me seem like this spoiled heiress, but let me explain. Ah, but how did we acquire all of this "wealth", since we are, in fact, not a wealthy family in the true sense of the word. My mom's adopted father purchased land in the county he lived in. He was raised rather poor, but money was easier to obtain apparently for someone who was 17 coming out of The Great War and through the twenties and such. Plus, the land was not all that expensive really. It was if you didn't have anything like my dad's story about his own dad. His dad relayed how at one time he could have purchased land for $1 an acre. "Dad! Why didn't you?!?" "Because I didn't have the dollar." was the reply. He also came of age (was twenty) during WWII, when my maternal grandfather was already into his forties. Compared to most people around here our things are super posh and top notch. However, in the real world of quality, it isn't really anything that special. We have a lot of dishes. A lot. None of which were purchased really. Unless you count my parents' early marriage dishes of blue speckled tin, which I don't as I don't like those dishes. Or the fake Blue Willow that she obtained through points at the grocery store or as gifts (purchased through the same grocery stores) from our grandmother. So, we have inherited my maternal grandmothers' day set of plates in a blue and white flower pattern. She inherited an older day set of blue and white fleur-de-lis from a neighbour and we also inherited that. She also inherited her mothers fine china in pink roses and a fine crystal set (because... 1870's, and those were definitely the things to have) complete with iced tea pitcher, creamer and sugar set, and a small vase. These I inherited from her. There are also some various silver candlesticks and crystal and glass ones that she inherited from her mother and we inherited from her. Next we have this really ornate set of Occupied Japan (so 1940s) fine china (which some pieces have seen far better days and were broken and rather badly repaired) and a set of fine crystal. There is also a set of eight plates and two elevated serving platters that go with a different French set of china; sage green with acorns and marigolds. There's also a silver tea service, silverware, and various silver pieces. These lead into a separate but related item. My dad went to college to learn computers in the mid 1960s, was told there was no future in it, and decided to apprentice as a jeweler instead. So, dad spent the majority of his life as a fine jeweler. A maker of fine jewelry to be exact, which is really awesome. He was really talented. You could come in with any idea or design and he could make it for you; either combining wax patterns and adjusting everything at the bench, or else crafting a wax pattern specifically, or even free handing it. You would think that having a father as a jeweler that we were living the high life, but it is not a well paying job when you live in the sticks. I'm sure in a larger city he would have done better. Nevertheless, there were some perks. One was that people would come in and barter things; either for a piece to be made or to purchase one that was already made in one of the display cases. Sometimes they just wanted to sell it to get rid of it and sold it for really cheap. So, dad ended up with those two sets of china, that one set of crystal, and the various pieces of silver in this fashion. Which also leads into the silver coins, jewelry, and gemstone portion of our "dowry's". It was easy, in this world of Jewelers and silver mongers, for dad to obtain a collection of silver coins. All American, but before they started putting nickel and other things into half dollars or things. Easy and not very costly, so it's a collection he took up. Also, when you can purchase the inventory fairly cheaply and have it all lying around already, but no income to speak of, it's far easier to give your wife and daughters a piece of fine jewelry that you made instead of purchasing a toy or parfume or something else when you don't really have the money for it to begin with. So, The Sister and I have a lot of fine jewelry. Gifts over the years for birthdays and Christmases. People don't think of it as anything other than GOLD and PRECIOUS GEMS!!! but really it's no different in you having all of the things to make candles with, but no money to buy, say a book, for someone's Christmas gift. What do you do? You make candles for everyone. Why? Because you don't have to spend any money and it's easy. Another perk was that a lot of our health or extra curricular activities were paid for in gold. Dad would barter for what we needed. Most people won't say no to gold and gems. Dance lessons? Dad made jewelry. Orthodontist or dentist? Dad made jewelry. Piano lessons? Dad made jewelry. So, we're rather skilled just like a lady of old being schooled dance and music lessons, as well as deportment, but only because that last one was taught to us by our mother, who was taught by her mother. Ya know, things like "A lady always crosses her ankles and never sits with her legs spread apart." "A lady never puts her elbows on the table or burps." Good manners, basically. But also some that are rather old fashioned like the fact that we had to wear gloves to church with our dresses. No one does gloves anymore. "But a ladies hands must always be covered." I don't know how that worked out, since she also touted "A lady must always stay out of the sun and have perfectly white skin." I never wore gloves, except forced to while attending Sunday services, and I ran around half dressed in my bare feet. I was darker than this table that I'm sitting at; seriously, I heard the term, "You're browner than a biscuit" used on more than one occasion by extended family members, and my face was freckled by the sun at an early age. And when I say I ran around half naked I mean it. I'd wear underwear and shorts... and that was it. If boys could run around without a shirt on, then I damn well could. My feet were always dirty and were tough and callused. A lady does what again? Because from all of the "A Lady" one liners my mother was constantly spilling forth, I never matched that description. It's like it only mattered to her at certain times. "A lady is never loud, but quiet and demure." Seriously, the woman even taught me how to trap a man. I remember being seven and her telling me that in order to catch a man one day, I had to basically be all of these things that I am not. I couldn't be myself until after I had lured him into marriage. What the hell kind of shit is that? I remember thinking that that was the worst thing I'd ever heard in my life. I wanted to be myself and I didn't want to be fake for someone to like me. Plus, I didn't like the idea or luring and trapping anything, much less men. But, I could be a lady, as I have the training for it. I know to eat from the outside in at a fancy table setting, how to sit erect, how to hold myself, to cover my mouth when letting a slight laugh escape. If I wanted to become an actress or should the Queen of England suddenly decided to have me over for dinner, I think I could get through it. I wouldn't want to, but I think I'd do alright. So, it's useful knowledge that I have that a lot of girls don't have, and I'm glad for the knowledge, but I'm far more proud of the real knowledge that dad gave me. How to change my own tires, check my own automotive fluids, how to change oil and filters, how to check the pressure in my tires. Many women do not know these things. If they know anything it's on the basics of being a lady like how to sit and cross your ankles and not be loud, things like that. But nothing on basic auto care. They should really know these things too, so that they don't have to be dependent on a man for everything. Which is odd to me that my maternal grandmother taught her daughters to be ladies and how to trap men, and while she expected The Sister and I to behave like ladies around her, she also gave us different information than that of her own daughters. She'd tell us not to get married and to never ever have to depend upon a man for anything, that we could do whatever we wanted and we should. Why not teach her daughters that as well? It was in her already, as that is how my grandmother always felt, but was forced to marry, because it's what you did then. You couldn't really buck the system, though she tried in her own ways, by getting a college education and getting one of the very few female jobs available, that of a teacher, before she was finally forced to marry because she was becoming an old maid, and the salary of being a teacher just wasn't enough. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Oh, I also know how to ride a horse, which seems like something former generations of ladies needed to know how to do, although forget side-saddle, as I've never done that and don't intend to. OK, quilts and Persian carpets. So, the quilts. Having bedding in your dowry was important; all the things one needed to set up a proper household. Quilts were generally the main item for most of those years where a dowry was required in the Western World. All of ours were handmade by grandmothers and great grandmothers, through my mother and fathers side. We inherited them and sometimes they get used if it's really cold here in the winter or we have guests who need extra blankets. Also, I do not know of dowry's from my mother. She didn't know what one would contain and doesn't have that knowledge. I do because I enjoy history and learn all the weird things about it that I am able. Dowry's, and from different countries, included. The Persian carpets are because of my Aunt, my mother's older sister. She studied to be a scientist, but decided to pursue Oriental carpets instead. I call them all Persian, but we do have some silk Chinese ones too, though not as many. She wrote books and was a world leading expert and authority on all things of the matter. She's still alive, she's just retired. She also traveled the world to see and study the various carpets in the various styles and regions, and to bring them back to sell. Every single carpet that we have was either a gift directly from her, or we inherited it from my grandmother after her death. Again, they're real and expensive, but as far as the world of carpets goes, they're the bottom of the pile. They're nice because they're real, but no one would pay lots of money for them. They're not the most sought after nor the highest quality nor the most expensive. It's like the difference in a First Edition Harry Potter book and just a Harry Potter book. They're both real, and were both written by J.K.Rowling, and they're both sought after. But people would rather have the First Edition than the lovingly read paper back. We have the paper back versions of Persian Carpets basically. They're art, and they're absolutely lovely, but they really aren't anything fancy if you know about carpets. But other people step into our house and don't understand that and think we paid thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars for this rug that might fetch $500 and really they were all absolutely free. Seriously my aunt took the nicer one's. Like the $200,000 rugs. I don't care, though my mom is still bitter over getting the leftovers of items that weren't worth anything. Moving back to the article, I am uncertain if I would want a set of fine china for my wedding, if I was unaccustomed to having that already. Certainly as it stands I don't need any of that stuff. I have it already and honestly could live without all of it. Well, perhaps a few items I would want as mementos of the people I have loved. A cup and saucer from the rose china because of my grandmother and the small crystal vase. A small Persian carpet because of my aunt. The two pewter candlesticks because they remind me of Colonial times. Certain jewelry pieces, but that's slightly more than mementos. I'd certainly keep a few pieces that my dad made especially for me. Because why wouldn't I? They're special. But I have other special pieces that don't hold memory. When dad closed shop, we were allowed to take pieces of jewelry that we wanted. We weren't allowed to take absolutely everything, dad was trying to sell these things after all, so there were a few choice items The Sister and I chose, and it all had to be approved. I chose several rings. Two ladies rings, one with a peridot because I love the colour and another a pear shaped opal on a gold setting that looks like a branch. Both made by my dad. The others that I chose were men's rings. Dad made them, but he'd made them in the 70's when he'd first gone into business. One the gold is textured, like jewelry from the 60's, with fine lines and the setting is a diamond shape with half a diamond shape to the side of that, inlaid with black. It's just a type of paint jewelers use generally to coat the backs of certain stones, and there's one speck of diamond in the center of the full diamond shape. Another is also a slightly textured gold on the band, with two triangles cut on the sides set with a diamond speck each and there's a cabichon of Jade on top. Another is a man's wedding ring where the band is faceted into double diamond shapes and also slightly textured. They're my absolute favourites and interchange them frequently. They're pretty much the only rings that I ever wear. Here, I'll just show you. Incidentally, they also made us choose our own engagement rings. When were were thirteen. Doesn't that seem weird and wrong? Or is it just me? The Sister was super excited and chose two, one of which was used when she was actually engaged eight years later, but returned back into the safe with the other one when she broke it off.
I, however, thought it was too strange. It's almost like how people feel when pressed to arrange their own funerals, like it's something taboo and might bring death down upon them. I have no qualms about arranging my own funeral. But for some reason choosing an engagement ring set my teeth on edge. Was it because I felt that the man should choose it? No, because I'd already thought that if I were to get married I knew what type of ring I wanted. I think it was the large diamonds that had me feeling queasy. I don't like diamonds. At all. I have them in some of my rings because they are specks and it's what jewelers do, adding them to mountings with other, larger gem stones. I didn't know it at the time, but I'd choose one of those five rings up there to be my everything. Engagement ring and wedding band. Just the one. And my husband could choose a different one, probably the solid band if he wanted. But I'm getting ahead of myself again. I don't have a husband, and it's not likely I ever will. Which is fine either way. But perhaps it was the fact that I had to choose a diamond engagement ring, or also the fact that I was only thirteen and just staring to think about boys in a way other than they had cooties, and certainly not of marriage. So, I tried to refuse, but they insisted, to the point that every time I came into the shop, I was barraged with this task. So, I randomly picked one and had them put it in the safe. I hated knowing it was in there. When we were cleaning out the shop with dad's closing, mom pulled the envelope out of the safe and in this sickeningly sweet voice said, "Here's your engagement ring!" I said I didn't want it. It seemed to be a no-go issue. I was going to have to take it. I quietly slipped it back in amongst the other engagement rings in the case when no one was looking. It just felt like bad ju-ju to have it or even keep it. Plus it's not any type of ring I would have ever chosen for myself no matter the purpose. While I don't mind having these other items that would constitute a worthy dowry, I do agree in not keeping it all locked an hidden away. The carpets are on the floor. The fine silver, china, and crystal get used when we have a mind to hand wash. The jewelry is worn, everything is used. The living room isn't some forgotten and often dusty room with a single and outdate purpose. Everything's livable and not laid out like some historic museum where one can't even think about touching anything, much less actually touching anything. Which is only because of The Sister and I. My mother held dearly to the idea of a formal living room and my dad was aghast at wanting to use the table finery all willy nilly. He didn't even grow up in a household that had finery, so you would think he wouldn't care? You would think mom would be the one clutching her pearls at the idea, but she was quite keen on the idea. She wanted to use all the pretty things. So dad acquiesced only became mom wanted it. I think even if I hadn't have been surrounded by this, I still would not ask for finery when I married. But perhaps it's only because I know about these things that I would decline them. Is really is hard to say. I might ask for pretty dishes if they could be gotten for a steal, because I like pretty. But, I also am not the person to hide things away only bringing them out on special occasions and who has time to hand wash fancy dishes multiple times a day? So, I'd probably just opt for some stone wear or something that was nice looking. I certainly wouldn't ask for silver. We use ours because it's what we have, but it's a pain to polish and it looks tacky when you don't. However, we run our silverware through the dishwasher because who cares, and rarely ever polish any of it. Crystal? It isn't my thing really. I have the set because it was my grandmothers, but I would never specifically ask for a set. And I'd only keep the vase from that one because I actually use it when I have flowers. It's a nice size and shape and reminds me of her. I probably would want Persian carpets because they are really cool. But I wouldn't need room sized one's like the three that we have. In fact I know exactly the two I would keep. One was a gift from my aunt to my dad and was the rug in our den while I was growing up, which is now in my room. It's basically mine now anyway as dad thinks Persian carpets are too fancy and doesn't really want it. The other my aunt gave my mom to be a gift for my paternal grandparents. My parents gave it to me when my grandmother passed away. It reminds me of them, my grandparents, and is the first and only rug that was ever given to me. I think I could be fine without any others. Most of them are heavy and cumbersome and awkward, though they are very beautiful and the stories they tell are interesting. I don't mean that I think they talk to me. I mean there are stories woven into them. Literally. All those pretty designs are certain things; animals, flowers, urns, etc. and most tell some sort of story and are there for a specific reason other than just pretty decoration. It is weird growing up in a household where one parent grew up having fine dresses from France and having good china and silver and crystal, while the other was so poor he couldn't afford new clothes and never saw finery until he went to my mom's house. Put them together and it's this hodge-podgy mis-match of culture. Dad learned to compost and use everything, so he won't throw away lettuce if it's rotten, but just pick around the rotten. Same with bread. Even though I told him what I learned in science class that once you see mold on bread, it's actually covering all of the bread. He doesn't care. You pick the mold off and eat the other. We don't have money and are not even considered lower middle class. We're below that in actual money. But we're surrounded by all this nice stuff, all of which was free, which isn't the reality of anyone that I know. And though dad is good at bartering, you can't barter a fancy antique Lemoge creamer sugar set for food or medical needs. No one wants to buy it either. You also can't eat it or fix your health with it. So, really being surrounded by fine things means nothing when you can't eat it, cool yourself with it in hot months, sell it, barter it, etc. It's like having French money in America and no bank will change it. What's the point? So we just keep it because we have it and no one else seems to want it. So, we may look wealthy from the inside of our home but in monetary values it's far from the truth. We are wealthy though in other regards and I think that make all of the difference. I can look at some of this finery and remember the people I've loved and lost. I did know them and have memories. I still have my family. Their certainly not perfect, but I have a family. My house may literally be falling down around me. No really, when they built it, someone accidentally sawed through a main beam and only a quarter of it has been holding the house up these past forty something years. The roof is shot, the window casements are rotten, the windows barely work. BUT! the roof doesn't leak and the walls are still standing. I have a place to get comfy and call home. Though we don't have many friends and some live far away, we do have friends. We do have people that care about us. And we have cats. Cats are wonderful. I do feel like George Bailey a lot of the time. I do get frustrated when the life I have, when things are tight and we have to hold out until the end of the month, or when all of the cars break down at once, or a leak springs in the roof or a raccoon gets in up there. Or the air goes out for an entire summer and we can't afford to have it fixed, even a haphazard fix. So, it's certainly not all roses. But there are really great times too. And lots of blessings that the Universe sends our way. Paid house sitting gigs, which I'll start mine in July. A swimming pool we can swim in for free. A condo that was paid for but can't be used and is offered to The Sister and I. So a free week long vacation on the coast last year, which we shared with out parents. I haven't been asking for these things, but according to The Sister, she has in a round about way. "Travel, money, new place." Looks like I'd better to get to wishing for things. Let's see. Travel. A motorbike... that runs. You have to be specific. The Sister kept wishing for an MG after dad ruined hers. She got one, for free, but it doesn't run, and still doesn't because the wiring in those are terrible and none of us can figure it out. So, travel and a running, vintage, motorbike. That I like. Also travel to places I want to travel to. Money would be nice. Really nice, right? But money for the country where I am (see what I did there? Now I'll have money where ever I go and I won't end up with outdate foreign currency that's of no good except that it looks cool... and I have plenty of that. Inherited, of course). I am ambivalent in asking for a fella. It seems wrong. I don't know if focusing on something will really bring it to you, though that seems to happen for The Sister; because what about the whole 'you'll find love when you least expect it' bit. Wouldn't that mean that one wasn't focusing on it, but the exact opposite? Plus, what if it's like in that film Practical Magic, where she creates a spell for the perfect guy and it finds him when he's a kid. Only that works out because he wished for her too and apparently they were supposed to be together regardless. But she really thought that she'd cast a spell and he was forced to love her. I don't know if I believe in things like that but I certainly wouldn't want to do anything that might even remotely force someone into anything, ya know? I suppose I should ask for the right fella for me, if it's in the cards and not focus on someone specifically? And my thoughts have wandered again and this post has ended up a complete mess. Perhaps I should wish to be more concise in my writing? That would be a better use than wishing for some of those other things. Though travel is really great, and I believe important, plus it could help with my writing.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
Categories |