So, I hear there's talk of a Royal Wedding happening in a day or two, between these two pictured above. The States are salivating at the news, like they do with any 'romantic' news of the British Royal Family. This is not a post where I'll be gushing. It's a post because I don't understand. It's not that I detest or loathe the British Royal Family. I just don't really care either way. I mean, I wish them any ill-will or anything like that. I just don't really care. About who's getting married or how many babies someone will be popping out, or where they went on holiday like just about everyone else here.
Which is weird to me. We're the colonies. We're the traitors. And really England is the enemy. No, it's true. Sure, I know that as far as kings go, George III wasn't that bad of a guy. But, that's not what you'll learn in an American history class. You're taught from a young age that England is an evil entitity and we fought against all of their tyranny and 'Merica! and all that. It's instilled in you not to like England or anything to do with it, which I find ridiculous obviously. And though this Royal Family is a far cry from past nobility considering these don't have much power, but Americans and throwing themselves at this symbol of a long-written tyranny like they're manna from heaven. I'm sorry, but that just seems illogical. I'm not even that big a fan of The Beetles, but you'd think that the Royal Family were The Beetles. I'm surprised people aren't out in the streets screaming maniacally "They're getting married. OH MY GOD!!!!" and ripping out chunks of their hair hoping they could touch the bottom of their shoes. Not that one should hate the Royal Family. I suppose you're entitled if you are English living in England or Scottish or Irish or Welsh whose family has always lived over there and remember what happened to you. Because let's face it, the English weren't always so hip and cool and swell. They were pretty terrible. And not even for the squabbling reasons America gives. If you're from here then you've been drilled on the fantastic epics such as The Brave Souls of the Mayflower escaping religious persecution and how everything that Americans own came over on that fateful voyage. Hogwash and nonsense. First of all, they weren't really be prosecuted. They were slightly aggrieved. They've got nothing on all the people that died between the very real and very bloody wars between Catholicism and Protestantism. Also very few people are descended from the people off the Mayflower and those people barely brought anything with them. Besides the fact that these very English people treated the Indigenous Americans atrociously... and mainly because they thought of them as savages because they didn't have the same religion as them. Or how about the tale of The Noble Witch-Fighting Puritans, who again had bad dealings with the Indigenous peoples besides bringing their very English superstitions of witches and werewolves over here. Different religion? You gotta die! Or The Patriotic Americans Who Single-Handedly Beat The Fuck Out of Those English Limeys. You think I'm making that up, but that title of this age old saga is really quite true. It's what we're all taught in History class and it's bullshit. People come away with the notion that we were Americans kicking those dirty English out because they owned us for some odd reason. Also that it was only Americans fighting against the English. And fuck those Red Coats, man! First of all, we were English. We weren't poor Americans being encroached upon by England... that was the Indigenous peoples. There was miscommunication but basically the Patriots felt incensed that they had to pay taxes, especially on tea. I'm simplifying this a lot, but it is the basics. We were half a world away from home and basically felt this was Vegas and the rules shouldn't apply. So... war. And the Indigenous people chose sides, based on who they felt would give them back what they wanted. Both sides were a poor choice as they really should have just banded together to kick everyone out, but that's not what happened. The Germans fought with the English because there were ties there considering that the Royal Family at that time were very German, more so than the current one, though they are as well. The French helped us, but not merely because they loved us, but more because they wanted to say a big Fuck You to England. No, that really is true. The French and the English hated each other, though really they were all the same people, swapping this royal person for this one for years. But whatever, they don't see it that way. Then there's the lesser known saga of And We Kicked English Ass Again! 'Merica! Which you all should know as The War of 1812. You'll know it as the tale of how England just couldn't stand that they didn't own all this awesomeness that is us anymore and came back to reclaim what they'd lost and we beat them again. Go us! Only, that's not how that went down at all. The English were fighting the French as they were want to do, and in times of war, blockades are necessary to suppress the enemy, so England was blockading trade to hamper France. And basically we, America, decided we could make money by choosing a side and we chose to help France. We basically jumped in front of England, stuck out our tongues and said "Nah nah nah!" and threatened to take Canada away from them. Why wouldn't they then also have to turn their attentions towards us? But I digress. This was was really all about Napoleon invading the fuck out of Europe and I don't know... did we feel left out? So, we drug England into war with us again, not the other way around, as Napoleon wasn't us. But we won our war with England and called it our SECOND war of Independence. So, I'm not glorifying anyone here as I think it's all ridiculous, though I am interested in battles of the past. But, my point is, we're taught that England is evil and horrid and we're better than them and they suck. Even though technically we were all English to begin with... so does that just mean we hate ourselves? But the point is, England is evil and horrid and especially their royalty... and now we have people pissing themselves in anticipation of a Royal Baby or Wedding. I just don't get it. Perhaps it's Disney movies that are to blame? Girls constantly wishing for their Prince Charming's to find them and sweep them off their feet to the romantic life of royalty. Is it because I understand that that world doesn't exist? I mean sure girls could have a Prince Charming out there; he'd be the guy that was meant for them and they fall head over heels in love with. You know, the super BFF that you're supposed to end up with or whatever. But that doesn't mean she should wear flouncy gowns and be set atop a pedestal and worshipped. Nor does it mean that this romantic notion of royalty is all it's cracked up to be. Those girls don't have any freedom. They must dress and act according to this strict law of what is deemed appropriate. They can't speak their minds, they can't go off where ever they want to, whenever they want to. They must be perfectly poised and happy every second they are being viewed. You got that? They're being viewed, by us, the public. They're like show ponies. Sure they have vast wealth and grand homes, but at what cost? All of it was paid for with the blood and lives of others over the centuries. It doesn't seem inviting or romantic to me in the least. Especially the bit about being locked up like a pretty bird in a cage only to be uncovered and viewed, scrutinized, on special occasions. I suppose it's part Disney Princess and the mega cool factor of Britain. James Bond makes England cool. The Beetles did the same, as well as Monty Python. Britain is cool, I suppose. I'm interested just like I would be all the other countries that I'm interested in. I suppose it's easier for my language to swipe words and terms from them as opposed to Russian or French or Norwegian, because here people don't like you being fancy and if you use too many fancy words in your vocabulary you'll get mocked... a lot... and it's not nice and ain't nobody got time for that. But I also don't find myself tripping all over myself for England. Not for Monty Python though it's funny. Not for James Bond, though Connery is quite dashing in the 60's, and I do like James Bond. And not for any other thing. Possibly BBC America, Britbox, and Acorn, as well as much watched shows like Downton Abbey, Doctor Who, Victoria, Call the Midwife, and The Crown have something to do with this somewhat new-found mega love for England. I certainly watch all of those shows (OK, not Doctor Who), but I'm still not entirely enamoured by England. Even having found out recently that I'm a lot of English in my ancestry line on my mom's side. Which kind of bothers me. Slightly. I'm not even certain why it bothers me. I have to think on it more. Perhaps it's the fact of knowing that I'm a lot more conqueror than conquered when I thought I had more of an even balance before. (There's French and Spanish in there too now we know). But this post isn't about ancestry as I haven't even delved into English ancestry and only recently found out it was there. It's also not about ancestry because 90% of these people don't claim English ancestry whether because they don't want to or because they don't know it. They'll claim Irish, I see, but that is not the same thing. It's not like they're waving that flag and screaming England because it's OK to be English. I suppose it is OK to be English again, but ancestry isn't mentioned by these people, so I'm throwing that out the window. Needless to say, while my own mother... and possibly my father will be watching something about the Royal Wedding, because lord knows my mom stalks the royal family like it's going out of style... I won't be. I only even hear that the other girl had babies because of my mom's obsessive stalking. But I know about this wedding because people in their twangy southern accents were talking about it because they're excited about it. It just seems wrong somehow. "Well, that Royal Weddin's' comin' up and I'm gonna bay watchin'. Call in if yer gonna watch too!"
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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