Chequed this book out from the library last month, because I wanted to know how many Grandfather things had been part of my general upbringing. Quite a lot is the answer. So, I'm breaking this post down into things that I can do, was taught from an early age vs things that I didn't learn, but wish I had. There were other points in the book that didn't meet this criteria, so I left them out. If you're interested you can go find this book (hint, several items were how to woo women). Plant a Tree: My maternal grandfather, whom I never met, was big into trees and did plant them a lot. I learned this both from my mom and dad. We planted loads of trees while I was growing up and mom made it a part of our Girl Scout Troop for special days like Earth Day (perhaps there was another one). It's not difficult, you just choose a tree (preferably) that's native to your area & plant it where it normally grows (sandy soil, clay-dirt, dirt, good drainage, not so good drainage, etc). You dig a hole deep enough so the roots will fit in there and not be too crammed. Then you fill the hole with dirt, keeping the tree straight (they were always saplings), and if you need to later, tie a stake to keep it straight. Split Firewood: Learned this from dad, although apparently mom had to do it as a kid too. It's not easy, but is kind of fun. Mostly I was tasked with cutting tiak (lighterwood) with a hatchet, but I have used an axe to split firewood. You use an old tree stump or large round piece of wood as the base. Sit the section of firewood end up on that platform, drive the axe into the top and when it's stuck, you swing again and slam the firewood onto the wood platform and it should split the first go, if not, once more is sufficient. Paddle a Canoe: Learned this from my parents. Wanted to "primitive" camp in Girl Scouts but you had to be seventeen. I never made it through to then. That also included paddling canoes on the lake. You just use the oar and in alternating movements sweep it through the water on the left and then the right and then the left and then the right to keep you going straight. If you want to head for the left bank, paddle mostly on the right until you've turned enough and then keep it straight. For the right bank, paddle mostly on the left until you need to go straight. Catch Freshwater Fish: My paternal grandparents were big into fishing & so was dad. We don't hail from or live in an area for fly fishing, but we do cast and reel in lakes mainly, not streams. Dad had me out in the front yard at an early age with a cast & reel pole my size (he'd made an extendable cane pole shorter for me) just teaching me the basics of casting off and reeling in before I could even start in the water. I've fished off of piers, I've fished from boats, and from the waters edge. I've fished in fields next to a small pond. I'll eat fried fish, and I have no qualms over people fishing, & I do seem to catch the most fish, but I also hate it. I love the simplicity and quietness of the task, the casting off and reeling in from the bank, but it's sad to me every time I catch a fish. I always freed the ones still living when dad wasn't looking, much to his chagrin. Having a pole simply waited and not with a baited hook was never an option with my dad. I think my grandparents enjoyed catching the fish, but I understand the zen of it, at least for them (not for dad. If he doesn't come back with fish, then the expedition was a failure). The casting and reeling from a bank is very therapeutic. It makes me happy just thinking about it. I'm not big for hot, sunny weather, so I think I know why I don't prefer a pier. I'm pretty certain I know why I don't prefer a boat. We all went night fishing once in boats; setting out trot lines. But I wasn't in the boat, safe with my grandpa and dad. No, I was in the more reckless feeling boat with dad's younger brother, his step-son and his step son's friend. There were alligators out there and I didn't know what this gar monster was they kept referring to that kept messing up the lines. I was only four or five and we were out there, in the dark, barely using flash lights (except to check lines), randomly coming across the other boat on occasion for seven hours. It was a scarring event for me. I also have no qualms over bait. I baited my own hook, even if I always had trouble unhooking the fish. I've used stinky bait for crab nets and had no problem grabbing it with my bare hands and securely tying it into place. Or trapping soft-shell crabs or gigging flounder in the ocean mud-muck. Hell, I handle raw shrimp that we get off the boats and pop the heads off and get the fat off. Read Animal Tracks: Learned this from dad too. He taught me about animal tracks, scat, and finding my way out of the woods. He was even an honourary "mom" member of our Girl Scout Troop, so that if it was nature or wilderness related, he's who taught us. Assemble A Good Tool Kit: I wanted to say I learned this from my dad, I suppose in a way that I did. He's got two ammo cans filled to the brim with all sorts of tools. Most of which he never uses. Then there's tools strewn all about the garage and breezeway. However, from working with him on house or automotive projects I learned what the most commonly useful items were.
For automotive purposes, apparently all I need is the ever lost 5/8 socket wrench. Hahah, but I digress.
Drive a Nail: Dad has all the power tools & I rarely had chance to use them (mainly because the parts were always scattered, because he can't put his toys back properly), so old school things I know. You hit once and then again to drive the nail home. Is this how I generally nail things? No, because I never have bit projects like nailing in sheet rock or putting together a shed or something. Paint a Room: This I owe to The Sister. She started redecorating the house her senior year of high school, starting with re-wallpapering our bathroom. Since then it's been paint. I know how to properly use painters tape and drop cloths, paint stirring, rolling or brushing in long & even strokes. Clean Your House: Learned this mostly from my maternal grandmother, The Sister, and the lady who cleaned our house when I was a kid. I know how to scour and scrub, dust and polish, I even know how to clean the fine china and crystal and polish the silver. Mow a Lawn: Not good at this, but I know the proper technique. I'm not good because we don't have push mowers, but riding. My thighs are too wide to maneuver our current mower which is dangerous. My last fiasco I went up the big hill instead of mowing sideways and had the still running lawnmower tip over on me and pin me down. But I know to go in a line and then back next to it and then back again next to that for even, perfect lines. Not zigzagging and such. Change a Flat Tire: Learned this from dad pretty early on & I have changed my fair share of tires, let me tell you! Which is why I know a janky jack (like the dinky thing that comes with the car) is rubbish and I want a good one (they're at home or with dad in whatever car he was using at the time, because he knows as well). I could change a tire in my sleep. Jack up the car side with the flat. Remove the hub cab and then use the breaker bar/tire tool to "break" the lug nuts, then get them all loose in turn finally taking them all off. Don't lose the nuts. Take the tire off. Put the spare or new tire on. Tighten the lug nuts in turn so they are all equal before tightening them down. Replace hub cap and gently lower jack. Change Oil: I've never done this alone, but I have done this with dad. Mainly I'm good at checking the fluid levels in the car and topping off as needed, but I have done this on occasion. Have the oil collecting container under the drip pan, undo the plug, but be careful so it doesn't get all over your face (which has happened to my paternal grandfather, who was a mechanic by trade, my dad, my cousin, & myself - just the first time and the one's who've been through it before laugh), let it all drip out. Now I'm not sure. Do you flush the system or just stopper it back up and add new oil? I haven't done it but twice when I was younger. I've even put on new break pads and greased break discs and helped rebuild an engine and transmission, but I couldn't do it alone and those events were so long ago. Communicate With a Mechanic: Yes and no. I've never taken my car to a mechanic, as we just took it to dad at his jewelry shop to have him take a look or we did the work ourselves in the front yard (with dad's assistance). But we have taken cars in for new tires or tire rotation or when our state had mandatory safety stickers. Dad would always laugh if The Sister or I described the noise the car was making. It's happened on occasion that we've had to do this with a mechanic and they laugh too. Sometimes going in for safety stickers they'd want to fix stuff & when told no, they wanted to wave you away because you were a woman. But it was stuff we already knew needed fixing and knew what it was and were going to do it. So, I can walk away without some weirdly over-inflated bill, because I stand firm in saying no, because I have knowledge. Pack a Car: I've gotten pretty good at this, but I used to be rubbish about it, throwing things in all willy nilly. I remember dad packing the car for trips and him asking us to bring out things out to him. I thought I'd be helpful and just throw my suitcase into the trunk, but he'd sputter and wave his hands saying "NO!" because there was a method to his car packing and I was ruining it. I'm not sure I'll ever be as good as him, because he has this natural Tetris mind for fitting things together that he inherited from his mother, and The Sister inherited it too. They can arrange a closet or a drawer or things in a box or items in the trunk of a car with no odd spaces left. It's amazing. I don't have the Tetris mind, but for a regular human I do alright now after practice. Be Brave: Unlike the subtitle of the book, I can hitch up my Big Girl Panties, when the need arises. I'm not talking fighting in a war or rescuing people from bombs, because I've never had a chance for that and would probably get us all killed (not good with the stealth & I'm clumsy), but I have been brave in many instances in my life. Scooping up cats (they're like my children) from immediate and imminent danger without thought for myself. Singing on stage, a lone in front of fellow jeering teenagers in two talent contests. Auditioning for school plays. Going to that job interview. Befriending the new kid (or any kid). Sparking up enough courage to just talk to someone new. Defending someone being bullied, whether it was a kid at school or a woman being harassed. Leave Work at Work: Not a problem. But then I've never had a "man's" 9-5 job (I say that because it's a manly book) like a lawyer or a doctor, or someone in an advertising agency, etc. Most of my jobs you can't take with you in any capacity. Making snow cones, cleaning a church, cleaning someone's house, making coffee. You don't take those with you. And with the online selling business, when business is on, it's on, when it's not, I can't be bothered. Think About Politics (Critically): Yes, and I don't know who I learned this from. Unless the advice my parents gave was solid advice that they don't themselves follow (Possible, there's lots of that). Because they are rubbish at thinking about politics critically. They're nothing but feelings and mostly the hurt kind and not the bleeding heart kind. They never stop to think, do I personally agree with this person's platform (or even most of it?). No, they just vote how they always have, because that's how their parents and grandparents voted. They've not countered it against what they actually feel. Example. My mom believes in choice for a woman. Never again should women have the horrors of back alley abortions or have men telling them what they can and can not do. Yet, she hears the word abortion like it's the golden word of the day and will vote for anyone who will end abortions. Ending abortions is great, but one can't do that without contraceptives. Even my mom will say this (and she's not a woman who slept with someone before marriage, used contraceptives or had an abortion and she's still on board with womens rights... in her heart). But she'll vote Republican because it's simply what's done and get all riled up in abortion is murder, which those people advocating against abortion do not hold my mothers views, or abortions being safe and legal, women's rights, and contraceptives. It's not about Abortion vs Anti-Abortion, it's about the fact that my mom has her own set of views and constantly votes against them, because... why? It's always been that way? I don't even know. It would be a different story if mom didn't have her own opinions and did believe that contraception was evil and women should not make their own choices and abortion was murder. There'd be nothing to argue here because she's voting how she personally feels. Except she isn't. Is she afraid other family members and friends will know how she feels if she votes differently? Who knows! It's not like she's even saying women's rights get thrown under the bus because the other platforms are more important to her. No, she's fighting the same war on opposite sides and one can not do that logically (or critically). If her or my dad see a story in the news (and they only read/watch one single news source), they have unbiased information and believe it. I see a news story and if it interests me I'll go and research it and read it from various news sources (conservative, liberal, moderate, foreign) to get the basic gist of the story. To me, I'm being very critical and logical. They see themselves as critical and logical. However, gulping down every fanciful story with reckless abandon is not logical or critical no matter which news source it comes from. They also only think about things that *might* effect or impact them. Far flung or not. They don't take into account the grand scheme of things, which is also not logical or critical. Handle Bad News: Again, I don't know where I learned this from except possibly old black and white films. It wasn't my mother who crosses her arms and swings her legs like a petulant five year old, nor my dad who rages and screams. Nor The Sister who says, "I can't deal with this right now!!" and storms away. I don't personally remember a time that any grandparent (much less my lone grandfather) received any type of bad news and how they handled it. But I take it in stride and remain calm and gracious. I may hole myself up in my room later and cry like a baby or be upset, but I have decorum when it comes to mixed company. Was it that I learned "Men don't cry" from my dad while he's in my face at a young age? Or is it just the graceful ladies of black and white films handling bad news in company very well? Or perhaps a bit of both? Give a Speech: I learned how to give a speech in one English class and the speech class (not speech and debate that was different) in high school. I know how to do it, but I abhor giving a speech and will not talk in front of people unless it's absolutely necessary, which it rarely ever is. Get a Perfect Shave: This both The Sister & I learned from our dad. He'd suds up his face with shaving cream and have us do the same to our faces. He'd give us a disposable razor with the cap on and we'd follow his movements while he shaved, him giving us instruction the entire time. I guess dad just wanted to pass on the knowledge? And we thought it was great fun! Wear Cologne: I know how to do this the French womanly way, which is small dabs behind the ears, on the wrist, a swipe down the back, a dab on the base of the neck, and a spot in your cleavage. But I have worn mens cologne before just on my neck or wrists. Shake Hands: This I learned from my mom, who learned it from her dad. How to give a good and proper (& manly) handshake. There's no muss or fuss and you grasp the others hand and give a slight, but firm shake and that's that. I wouldn't expect women to learn this (though I think they should), but even men don't know how to shake hands anymore. It's a limp dish rag of a handshake & is quite off-putting. My mom always relied what her father always used to say, if the handshake isn't firm, then they're not trustworthy. I don't know if that's true, but a limp handshake does put one in mine of someone akin to Grima Wormtongue in The Lord of the Rings. And he wasn't trustworthy. Shoot Pool: I grew up with a pool table. It came with the house. It used to be in a bar I'm sure as it used to take coins. We'd always play and dad taught us how to play pool properly. Can I play a good and friendly game, knowing the rules? Yes. Can I bet money and be an expert with "8 to side pocket"? Absolutely not. Played it that way (not for money) a few times and I did horribly. Hit a Tennis Serve: Yes and no. Had to learn tennis in 6th grade. Mom had been the one to take tennis lessons and play when she was younger. Was it she who taught me? No, it was dad. He took me out to the poor people's country club (of which we were members. $20 a year, I think as opposed to $200 for the fancy one - just so we could have a pool) and we practiced playing tennis together in the evenings. I know how to properly serve and how to properly send a serve back, but as far as that the rules are lost on me. The Sister & I pretty much play that if it doesn't go over the net you try again, and if the ball lands outside of the lines on the court before you can hit it, the other person serves next. Play Bocce Ball: Yes, I learned this when staying with our family friend once. We went to a park and played because she'd just gotten a set. It's fun, like lawn bowling, but The Sister & I prefer croquet which we learned to play from our maternal grandmother and inherited her set. Our lawn is too hilly to play though. :/ Wear Cufflinks: I have never had occasion to wear cufflinks, nor did I affix them to anyone's jacket sleeves, but I know how to properly put them on to close the opening of the suits jacket at the wrists. Most suits anyone has now already have buttons there. I love the idea of cufflinks. If I had a man's jacket I could wear, I'd wear them as I do have several pairs inherited from my paternal grandfather. My mom thought this was a suitable thing for her daughters, growing up in the 1980s to learn. I'm OK with it though, even if it was outdated even then. Wear a Hat: I do know how to wear a hat, though there's not much occasion for it beyond Halloween or a knitted one in our sparse winter, which is not what this refers to. I do know how to wear a mans hat and take it off my head and put it on, because I watched old black and white films only. No one taught me. You don't wear it straight on the head either, it's either pushed forward just a tad or at a small jaunty angle and you grasp it by the top indention near the front and never by the rim. Can measure one at all as I tried several times to sell one online and the men were nice that bought it. Three different men, and they were nice saying I'd measured wrong. I stopped trying to sell it. Even my dad couldn't figure out how to measure it. I have old fashioned ladies hats and fascinators as well and those go on at a strict jaunty angle (not a slight one), pushed forward more with ones with lace to cover the face, than those that do not. As a female there is nowhere that I'm required to take my hat off, but as a man I would need to take my had off when entering a building or in the presence of ladies. I could just tilt it slightly to pay respect to women passing on the street and I wouldn't need to take it off to enter my own car, as the rooms were higher simply to allow room for men wearing hats. Do Laundry: I know how to do all sorts of laundry and it was just from watching people in films and on telly shows or reading historical accounts (ahem... because my mother didn't teach me). Though you're supposed to separate lights from darks, I never have, and if someone does, then my clothes seem to bleed. In an old fashioned washing machine (non HE), you add the washing liquid or powder then turn the machine one and then add clothes. If you're doing whites, you add bleach to the water and let the clothes sit for a bit before closing the lid and allowing the machine to run (some models had a port for bleach or fabric softener to release during the washing). You can also add borax or washing soda to the drum with the detergent and water before adding clothes. For HE washers, add the clothes and then add the detergent to it's proper port, fabric softener to its port, and bleach to its port (if you're using it). We own a scrub board, a laundry plunger and an old copper kettle that my maternal grandmother actually used (I don't know if she used the scrub board, or if we just have it, but she used the other items. But only from films did I learn how to boil laundry and scrub it with soap and rinse it, ring it out and hang it to dry. I have had to wash delicates before. We have these old enamel bowls and we use Ivory or another non harsh soap and wash and scrub and ring out by hand. Sometimes our washers have been on the fritz & I've had to lug soggy wet clothes in a garbage bag from the laundry room to the bathroom and ring it all out by hand and it is not easy work. Iron a Shirt: I do know how to do this and I learned from the mom and grandma on The Waltons. Just water to steam out the wrinkles and moving the wrinkles out and away. Never leaving the iron on any patch too long. There was a guy who needed to iron a shirt for a work interview, but didn't have an iron, so was going to use ours. I had to take him upstairs to our laundry room and get out the ironing board and iron for him. He then proceeded to iron the shirt in all of the wrong ways and it was looking worse than it did before he started. And as a good hostess, it would be rude to just leave him, plus he was talking (that would've been rude too, to leave when he was telling stories). I couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Stop! Just shove over there." & what he'd been working to ruin for a good ten minutes I had ironed perfectly in under five. Sew a Button: I may not know how to sew perfectly, as in "these are the rules for sewing perfectly", but I taught myself how to sew by hand, how to sew on a button, how to darn socks (we even have my maternal grandmothers exceptionally old sock darner), and how to use a sewing machine. While my maternal grandmother was big into hand sewing and using her foot pedal only (non electric) machine, she never taught me, simply she was thrilled that I was interested and learning on my own. I'm sure there are more proficient ways to sew a button on, but the work isn't shoddy or all over the place or way too much thread and that button's not coming off until dooms day, so I think I do well. Hand-sewing clothes is a different matter entirely. What works and stays together for a fabric or felt plushie or small bag doesn't seem to cut it for an actual piece of clothing. I'm still fascinated that people could sew garments and outfits by hand and the work was perfect. I don't want it to be a thing I do, but I'd like to learn just to know how to do it. Shine Shoes: I do know how to shine shoes, mainly from watching old films. Take a rag, apply colour appropriate polish, work it in, buff it out with a clean cloth. Dad was saying recently he had an electric shoe shine kit. I'd never seen it! The wooden box that looked like an old shoe shiners kit that I assumed had tins of polish and rags in it, was in fact his electric shoe shine kit, from the 1970s, with the box made to look old timey. I used that last night and it was fun. Buy Flowers: I'm sure this is for courting (I can't remember since I've taken the book back, but I'm pretty certain that was all it was about), but I can purchase flowers for any occasion. I don't fully know the meaning of flowers, not that anyone cares or knows anymore, but even for courting there are certain one's you don't give. Calla Lilies are insulting as they mean, "I pretty much only value you for your intact virginity" & you don't give red roses because it means you think she's a slut, or you're calling into question her virginal character. Once married, you can give red roses all you want. Yellow roses are for friendship. Pink is best for courting, as they simply mean love. But there are also certain one's you do or do not give for friends or for funerals or for people who are grieving, or as a get well bouquet. Purple is always set aside for mourning and funerals, because old people detest having purple at funerals or for remembrance bouquets, because they associate it with death and even though someone is dead, they don't want extra reminders. Purple is always bad for get well's for this very reason. Get well bouquets should always be cheery and non committal like yellow and white together; carnations or daisies or some such. I don't have big occasion to purchase flowers like this, so it's generally not a problem. If we send something for grieving friends it's nothing in the funeral section and something happy and bright that they, personally would like (we never do wreaths for funerals - perhaps my dad did when his mom died, but I took no part in that) or we send a plant. I don't do get well flowers and for just because or someone's birthday it's whatever I know they'll like, some pretty, colourful mixed bouquet. Once I bought simple yellowish orange flowers for a friend who's cat had passed away. It's not something I do, but felt drawn to do, and would have just done wildflowers but it wasn't the season for them to be in bloom to pick any. Buy Meat: Not too good at this. I can buy meat that I like to eat. But I am in no way a Master of Meats like my dad is. He knows all sorts of meats, what they're good for, what's a good price, etc. I know types and good prices for ground turkey, hamburger meat, pork loin, thin-cut pork chops, thin strips of beef, and frozen, boneless chicken breast. Make Beef Jerky: This is so-so. I know how to make jerky, as dad's an old pro at it, making beef and venison my entire life. He's got his simple spices down, how to dry the meet off, season it, and lay on over the racks of the oven at a low temperature with the door propped open with a pot holder for a very long and slow "cooking". I've seen him do it a million times and I know how, I just haven't actually done it, because he doesn't hunt anymore and he won't buy the special type of beef now because it's too expensive. Make a Good Cup of Coffee: Yes sirre bob I've got this one down to an art. Throw any type of maker at me (Moka pot, French press, drip - not pour over) and I can make you a delicious and strong cup of coffee. If you like milky water then you're not even really drinking coffee are you? If you think manly man and coffee so black and strong it'll put hair on your chest and old men say, "Damn, that's a good cup of coffee" then you're looking at me. I do add sugar and cream (brown sugar and half and half), but it's still strong and not muddled down. And it's not strong and thick like your spoon could stand up in it, because that is also not coffee. It's hot, comforting, and bitey in the perfect way. I can't do halves-y's though. You want half a Moka Pot, or half a French Press, or a weird squiddly-do amount in a drip maker, you'll end up with water. It just doesn't work that way, my magics. I can do a set cup amount in a drip maker like four or six or eight. Doesn't have to be twelve. But you want 2 and a quarter and we'll have problems. Season a Cast-Iron Skillet: Yes and I love cooking with these too! Only wash with hot water (never soap), towel dry off, let air dry the rest of the way and you're done. Season with a small coating of oil (just to cover and work in, not goopy with oil) set in a warm oven (either lowest setting or one just turned off) and when it's no longer slick, it's seasoned. Dad doesn't know Cast-Iron skillets at all, sadly. He'll spray it off and prop it up in the sink to dry. No! Or he still won't towel dry and sit it on a hot burner to dry. No! He'll also coat in way too much oil and cook it in the oven (too high a temperature) & then it's sticky and tacky when he's done "seasoning" it. No! Again! Make Ice Cream: I know this too. I've never used a hand crank machine, but I've used those bigger, old fashioned ice cream machines with two drums, the outer where you put the ice and rock salt for the freezing action and the inner one where you put your ice cream ingredients. You turn it on and let it churn, checking on it to add more ice or salt or to test for frozen doneness. I prefer this method. Dad won a more modern ice cream maker, but I don't like it as much. You freeze the inner, metal drum and spatula. Then put then in the maker, turn it on and pour your ingredients in the top, then take the metal container out after so much time and stick that in the freezer for an hour or two. I've also used a double bag method (inner ziplock back the ingredients, outer one ice and salt) and shaken it for five minutes to make ice cream. And I've tried the mason jar bit. They're OK if you want just some homemade ice cream right then and there. I also make the ice cream recipe of cooking a vanilla custard on the stove with cream and eggs and sugar and vanilla. I don't know if that's all the recipes, but I wouldn't try a non cooked version that was just I don't know fake stuff as people want to make now a days. Throw a Party: It may not be a bonafide bachelor man about town party (this book wasn't written that way, but it felt that way), but I can throw a party. They might also not be the swingin'-est most fun party you've even been to (it is NOT The Big Blowout from Breakfast at Tiffany's. Not by a long shot), but they're also not boring. Depending on the people I can break out the best china and crystal and lay a beautifully appointed self serve table. I can even do a formal coffee service. Or I can just choose whimsical items we have to set out chips and dip and homemade cookies and such. I can make punch, I have something to serve in punch. Can you tell I'm big on the food portion? I have records I can spin, or I can make a playlist on my iPod. I can start up non boring party games (no one I know is big into PARTYING and will play a board game or Uno or Flinch or Charades or something). Or I can have a film on in the background instead of music. I'll decorate too if it's a Christmas or Halloween party. I can even throw a dinner party. Tend Bar: I don't even drink and was never much of a drinker, but mixing cocktails is like chemistry, which I love. And I have a vintage cocktail mixing book someone gave me a long time ago and if we've got it or you can supply it, I have the recipe and I'll gladly make it. It's not showman ship like the film Cocktail, but I apparently make except mixed drinks. Smoke a Pipe: I do in fact know how to smoke a pipe. So does The Sister. And oddly we learned from our mother. She felt it important that her daughters know how to enjoy a pipe, so we learned. We even each have our own pipes and on occasion will smoke it. I'm actually glad this is something I know. I know how to pack the bowl, clean the pipe, light it, smoke it (never draw into the lungs, only the mouth), and enjoy it. Now onto the things I've not learned, but wish I had/would like to.
Build a Fire: I know, I know! But I'm still rubbish at building a fire; whether a campfire, fire pit, or in a fire place. I know the proper principles. Lots of dirt under and around a campfire and stones around that so the fire won't spread. You need kindling to start the fire, whether tiak (lighter wood) or dry pine straw (that's what we have here). You arrange the logs kind of criss-crossy, so they'll burn, but air can get through them & under so the fire won't suffocate. Also the logs must be dry, not green or wet. The same is about true of a fire pit or fire place. That's why you have a grate or firedogs to lift the wood off the surface (for air circulation) and in a fire place you stack them on top of each other, but not too many at a time and with room for air. Using tiak or newspaper you light the fire and it should stay lit, until it starts to die down and then you stoke it. I can keep a fire lit, and though I know the proper techniques and principles I can't actually start a fire. The kindling will light, but the wood won't. Tie a Bowline Knot: I would like to learn to tie all sorts of knots instead of just the square knot. That was something that wasn't learned in Girl Scouts until "primitive" camping at age 17. A bit late, I think. Dad did teach us two knots on one nature outing, but not this one and not so many others. Hang Drywall: It's not like I would just love to do this, but it's actually needed in our house at the moment. There's a space where a pipe burst that's been down for at least 8 years and another part where a piece of roof rotted. They're on the ceiling and drywall is fucking heavy. Dad knows how and even built the room from scratch (the sundeck) 25 years ago, where the newest offense is in the ceiling. But he's 72 now and not in the greatest of health and he knows he can't do it alone and he's rubbish at teaching people (no seriously, he yells and gets fussy because you can't read his mind or don't already know how to do something). Strip Wooden Furniture: This would also be a helpful tool to have in my repretoire. Mom's done it before when she was younger but only says "It's easy, but don't mess it up! You can mess it up quick!" So I've not tried because that sounds scary. Besides we have nice, antique wood pieces. Even one where it could do with a stripping, I'd rather leave alone than muck it up. Support Your Family: I do support my family in a myriad of ways; taking care of all of the cats, cleaning the house, running errands, cooking, etc. However, this section was strictly on bringing home the bacon. Which I do, literally, because I run the errands, but it's not my money that's purchasing that bacon. Monetarily, I can not support my family at all. Which is why this section is here because I wouldn't mind being able to contribute monetarily. Comfort a Loved One: You ever see that .gif where someone needs comforting and the other person extends and broom, pats them with the bristles and says, "There, there." That's me. I don't really understand comfort, because it's not something we did in my house while I was growing up. We didn't hug or give kisses (except the obligatory tiny peck of saying goodnight when we were really young.) There was no holding, no cooing or stroking. If I had a nightmare I'd tell my parents and they'd just tell me to go back to back. If there was a monster in my closet they'd just tell me I was crazy. Even when we lost my brother thirteen years ago, mom just came into my room wailing like a paid actor, "My son!!! My son is dead!!!" Through the over dramatics I ascertained that it wasn't metaphorical and he'd really been found dead that day. She left in a flurry to wail at someone else, leaving me to cry and mourn alone. None of us hugged each other or comforted each other during that time. We roamed the house in our separate zombie states. Not even when my paternal grandfather died 25 years ago was there hugging or community mourning, not even with the extended family. Dad tried to fight back his tears. People were somber. I locked myself in my grandparent's bedroom. Dad even tried to fight back tears at my brothers funeral and then finally turned, put his hands on a tree and silently wept, his back heaving the only indication that he was racked with sobbing. The tree took his sorrow and gave him some bit of comfort. I don't know what to do for people in distress. I've seen on films and telly shows that people hold them, give them an embrace or hug. That feels too alien to me. It feels too interpersonal. I feel like they would reject it and I'd have no done any good for them. So, I just stand there with them as a sentinel should they need anything. Be a Role Model: I'd like to think I'm a good role model; marching to the beat of my own drummer, being myself, knowing myself, waving my freak flag. However, no one had ever told me that I'm a good role model, or they look up to me, or that they too decided to say fuck you to the "norms" of society because of seeing how I move through life. No, I've only been told that I'm a terrible role model for someone else's kid, which probably means I'm a good role model, but whatever. Protect Your Home: I have done this, but not in the manner of which the book references. It was about fixing repairs (like making sure things aren't easy to get into; doors, windows, etc.), having an alarm installed, knowing and practicing a route for escaping the house in event of a fire. Practicing fire safety in the home, knowing how to stop an intruder, etc. Mom watched a lot of horror and mystery who-dun it's when I was growing up and the only film I'd seen about protecting a home was Home Alone. One night I was left alone, I was eleven or twelve. Someone was trying to get into the house by using a credit card or some other such device at the lock. When I looked through the peephole there was a person there, bending down to the lock. They kept trying for about 10 minutes. When they stopped, I grabbed dad's BB Gun (because I knew not to handle any of the real guns), went outside and marched up and down the front yard saying, "This is MY house! You can't break in, now go AWAY!". Then I went inside, sat back down in front of the telly with the BB Gun beside me incase they came back. Twenty minutes later my parents came home and my mom was bitching at me because some friend of theirs saw me in the yard with a gun. I don't know how they would have contacted my parents because there weren't mobile phones yet, not unless you were Zach Morris. They didn't believe me that someone had been trying to break in and I was protecting the house and myself. An hour later The Sisters' friend from down the street came up to see if The Sister was home yet. "I left a note.... wedged into the door here" (& she pointed to the lock plate). When I had opened the door, the note had flown into the bushes by the side. Then they chastised me more because it was only The Sisters' friend. "Well! Why didn't she knock or ring the bell?! Why didn't she try to put the note under the door knocker where it'd be seen!?! Why work, hunched over, for 10 minutes trying to stick a note where it won't go, making it sound and seem like she was breaking in!?!?" No one could answer that, and because it was rather logical, I wasn't necessarily in trouble any more. Just a firm reminder from dad, "Don't play with the guns! & you could have shot her." to which I responded, "I wasn't playing, and I didn't shoot her, but she was being very skulky!". There was no way to know it was her and it really did seem like someone was breaking in. It is stupid to patrol around the front yard, because if it had been a real attacker, I'd probably have been found dead. But, I could only take my cues from Kevin McAllister on that one. Bounce Back After Failure: Not an easy one, I'll admit. I know why, as failure wasn't tolerated in this house, also if you were The Son or The Shining Daughter, you simply didn't add up. I'm not blaming my parents, but there was damage done and it's going to take me to undo it, but it's been a lot of work and I'm still not finished. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm me. I just need to do MY best and not someone else's, and half that stuff from my childhood wasn't my fault and I shouldn't have to hold on to it. But as I said it's not easy. So, a failure really gets me down because these aren't the first thoughts that spring to mind. Buy a Suit: I'd love to buy a suit, but not necessarily in the context here. Because I'm not a man and they want one to be fitted for a nice suit. Having it tailored so that you look smart. I'd just like an old fashioned suit that I found at the thrift store that pretty much fit. That would be awesome. But it'd be awesome to find vintage ladies clothes that fit as well. Tie 4 Tie Knots: I don't remember what this means. The four tie knots that every man should know how to tie? Or was it the Four-in-Hand Knot. It matters little, because I can't tie a knot in any fashion what-so-ever. I've seen it done in old films and telly shows, but it's so fast that it's confusing. I'd love to learn how to tie a tie. I like ties. I just bought a vintage tie at the thrift store last month even! Grill a Steak: Yes... and no. I'm not proficient at grilling meats as I've only ever done it twice now, on a propane grill and on a Turkish grill. But that wasn't not steak. I'm sure I could grill a steak, but as I haven't tried, I can't really put it into the yes category. Carve a Roasted Bird: No, but also sort of. I've never carved any bird really though mostly it's just turkey at Thanksgiving. I have "carved" a rotisserie chicken, but is it actually carving? I start from the breast bone and slice downwards, but that's all I eat, so I don't really know the full procedure. Make Root Beer: Oh, I'd love to know how to make root beer. I love knowing how to make things, which is why I have already mastered butter, buttermilk, crème fraîche, whipped cream, & laundry soap. I don't count pudding and custards from scratch, even though those are also generally store bought items as well. I don't know how to make any drinks from scratch though. I don't drink beer, so I wouldn't want to brew that, but root beer would be fun. And dad has the hand press to add and secure caps to bottles. And we have loads of bottles, so this would be really fun.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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