So, this is something I wrote up a year ago today (you know how Facebook supplies that stuff). I had forgotten about the incident until seeing that in my history timeline. It's apparently relevant most of the year round these parts. Well, I'm officially a Yankee. I should be receiving my card in the mail shortly. (It's a club, right? With card carrying members? It better be. And a party since I'm shifting over to the "dark" side!) I was in the local grocery store today, in my hometown, I might add. It was taking awhile at the checkout with two people in front of me. I was just warm and drowsy, but couldn't care less about waiting. I was more interested in the fact that the first guy in line had my key chain. No really, I'd inherited it from my California Mom and she'd gotten on her trip to Alaska. I let it go recently to Bargains and Blessings and this guy had it. I thought that was cool. Anywho, the people directly in front of me were an older couple; wealthy country people. You could tell by their clothes and jewelry. So, they finish and the husband turns to me (and while he's pretending to be nice, he wasn't)... "Ma'am, you'll have to excuse me. I'm a Southerner and as such we talk slower, walk slower (& I don't know, something else slower.) You have a good day." All I could do was give a wide-eyed surprised smile because he was being condescending to me and also assumed that I wasn't a born and bred southerner. I couldn't muster out any words at all. It was basically the long talk of "bless your heart." Was I giving off Resting Bitch Face? Was I too ecstatic over my keychain? I don't think I looked posh or uppity, though he certainly assumed that I was. It's just weird, but I'm also OK with being a Yankee. HAHAH Though I have traveled (and that's a teensy bit), I've never lived anywhere but right here in this small town in south Mississippi.
Most of my travels have brought me to various places in the south from Texas to Florida to Tennessee, to Arkansas and once to Maryland. I've visited the Nation's Capital once when I was eleven. I went to Los Angeles for a week when I was fourteen. I've been the Mexico twice; once stepping over the border in the middle of the desert on a family holiday when I was four and once for a week when I was twenty. My yankee travels only include (Washington, D.C., if you count that - it does depend upon where you hail in this country as to whether it's yankee-ville or not), Montreal as well as upper state New York. Visited my aunt for a week when I was fifteen and though most of the time was spent in Montreal, there was a weekend jaunt to where her and her soon-to-be husband were building their home near Keyesville. Then a few months later I was back up there because she was marrying him and I was her maid of honour. There were a few days in Montreal and then two days in Keyesville that time. And we're done with my travels. I know southerners who have traveled to Europe or Asia or South America or even more places in Yankee-ville and people still think they are southerners. So, I'm confused about what is exactly different about me. I have had southerners accuse me of being from out west, being Canadian, being a yankee, or even a European. I'm not even sure why three of those are bad things. I mean, I personally, don't see what's wrong with being a yankee, but to certain southerners, well at least that makes sense. But the west or Canada or Europe? How are those bad places to anyone? And it's funny because I know people from all of these places and none of them think I'm from any of those places. At all. They generally do guess southerner, but if they are stumped, then I'm just American because it's all the same to them, which seems reasonable. We're not all the same, and someone from one European country knows they're not the same as another country within Europe, but other nations say it's all the same. Apparently that's just what people do. And while we're on the topic of the incident last year; where I say it was the longer version of "Bless Your Heart". That term is basically a "fuck you". Like "oh, you're so stupid and insignificant and worthless and everything bad." It's not a good or nice term. So, I got the royal fuck you that day. The southerner trying to out-trump that damn carpet bagging Yankee, or where ever the hell he thought I was from. If I had looked better (poshier) than him, the term 'southerner' wouldn't have come into play. He would have just outed me for being an uppity rich bitch. But, I can assure you that I didn't look better than them. I think I looked kind of loungy casual that day. Not "I'm in my work out clothes, though I don't work out" nor were they the rattiest lounging clothes I have where I might also clean the house in them. But I'm pretty certain I'd only run my fingers through my hair that day, not even a brush. I wasn't even mad at the guy, though I did think he was stupid. Being an ass to me when there was no call for it, and also assuming that I wasn't from there. I'm not even someone who was born here and has either traveled extensively or lived other places besides the south. The Sister falls into that category and I get the "You're not from around here are ya?" way more than she does. So, really, I just want to know what it is. No one out of the south thinks I'm from somewhere other than the south, but 99% of all southerners perceive me to be from everywhere but the south. If I could fool Europeans or Canadians, etc, well, then I'd have something to go on. I'm not trying to fool people, obviously; I'm just Sarah trying to get through the days. I'm just walking and talking and gesticulating like I always have with no thoughts about it until it's pointedly asked, "Are you from Europe or Canada or California?!" Then my mind whirls at why these people would think this. Am I just a wacky girl who doesn't fit in (because it's not like it's not a thing with me) and these southerners are choosing the most remote, and white, places they can think of? I even got asked if I was from Alaska once. But not one person from these places thinks there is anything remotely Alaskan, Californian, northern, Canadian, or European about me. "No, I know you're not from _______" (insert where ever they are are from or a place nearby). I have thought about it a lot (only when it's pointed out that I'm not from here, which is enough to constitute as a lot) and I feel like I'm grabbing at straws here, but I suppose there might be reasons. So, I obviously don't have an accent where a European language (or anything other than English) would be my mother tongue and I don't hold myself like someone from the Continent with my hips thrust forward in that effortless way in walking. I don't have those quirky oouts that Canadians have, nor do I say 'eh', I certainly don't have a generalized American accent that might put me somewhere past the Rockies, nor do I have a particular 'you betcha' thing of the mid-west. I'm certainly not working clipped accents of the north, nor do I have one akin to a particular region up there like Boston or Maine or something. I also can't say Connecticut correctly (like a true Connecticut-ian? -er? I don't even know what people from their are referred to!) to save my life. But what do I have going for me as seeming I'm from one of these places and southerners just can't figure me? I find the weather too hot, so while I'm not pasty white like a lot of people (where red faced certainly shows up better), I'm almost constantly red-faced and sweatier than other southerners who are used to the weather. Even other fat girls (my size or bigger) rarely are as sweaty or as red faced as me; pouring buckets of sweat down their everything, with their sweaty hair plastered to their sweaty faces... and we're just sitting in the shade. So, in the winter, you'll find me in a tank top or a t-shirt with no coat. I'm not bundled for an Arctic expedition in 67 degree weather or keeping all that insulation on when entering a store that feels like the surface of the sun because the southerners in the store have the thermostat cranked up to a billion degrees. I might wear a light jacket when the temperature drops to 52 or 47 degrees. Heavy coat for 20 - 30 degree weather, but by that point southerners have barricaded themselves into their homes abandoning all hope for warmer days. My actions are a rarity here. And I suppose when one does encounter a person like this they really are from somewhere other than the deep, deep south. Most of the time it'll be 83 degrees here and you'll find people in sweatshirts! Just thinking about that and my body wants to sweat like I'm in a sauna! I'd say that was the reason and call it a day, except this phenomenon doesn't only happen in the colder months. It could happen on perfectly lovely days where everyone is wearing tank tops and I'm not sweaty or red-faced and match everyone else. So, what else could it be? I do add a lot of other words and phrases into my lexicon that aren't from here. I say soda instead of coke (lower case because it's a general term for all soda here), but I rarely drink soda (only one place), so I'm not asking for it amongst groups of people. The Sister and I share a Coke with our popcorn at the movie theatre, but we just say we want a large Coke, because we're actually ordering Cocoa Cola. I say Jamestown like the old English of Jaymess-town, but that's only when I'm referring to the historic settlement which is hardly ever. I do know what the original French of coastal Mississippi towns would be, but I only tell people I'm close to (and not in public) "Oh, D'Iberville (Dee-iber-ville) is really Digh-buhrr-veey(uh). I don't go around spouting all this what words and town names used to be all willy-nilly. "Yes, I'd like a medium hot raspberry mocha and by the way, did you know...." I do call northerners Yankees, but only because it's funny when Blanche on The Golden Girls gets all huffy about them and calls them that, so I imitated her in that funny way, and now I don't say it all overly dramatic. Still though that was only with people I know well, and not in public; or here in blog posts that I'm not even certain that people read. But continuing with language, I know that I don't sound super southern like "sippin' mint jeeeeewluuups ahn tha pawch" or "Ooooo dawgie did you see that!" or any other "southern" thing. There are people that do have thick accents and they're all different and some people have their go to weird sayings, but mine are not these. I do say y'all and all y'all all the time and it definitely sounds southern. I even say naw (no) and use terms like a messa (a lot; as in fish or cornbread or other things). There's also fur (for) which is prevalent all over the south. Also fixinta (fixing to or about to; as in do something). I read a lot. I gather all sorts of information. I have always liked learning about all sorts of things, but especially about people who weren't people I saw every day. So, while I have learned about things that went down in the south, or in the US in general, it's not my favourite topic of study. I probably seem well-traveled because of this, or very unlike a southerner since I'm not all for the state flag or "the cause" or care two wits about "southern heritage". However, again, it's not something I just start talking about, nor do I wear a shirt that says the south can go and fuck itself, so how would people even know how I felt about these things. I'm not patriotic in the least. I don't celebrate the 4th of July, nor care for the US flag. But just because one doesn't have this flag on their T-shirt it doesn't signify that they aren't a southerner. It's horrible to say, as I certainly don't this way about people from these regions where people think I'm from (I even end sentences with prepositions, you don't get more southern than that y'all!), but to a typical, un-traveled southerner, perhaps they do think that Canadians or Europeans are awkward or strange. I am very awkward and strange. I do know they think this because I've heard these southerners poke fun at anyone not southern for their strange and awkward ways. Ooh!! I think I might know! It's probably because I'm not miss Chatty Cathy. Southerners will talk to anyone. Sure most people will start up a conversation with people the same colour as them here, but I have seen plenty of mixed ancestry gab fests. Black and white, hispanic and black and white (there aren't a lot of Middle Eastern or Asian people where I live, and for the most part I've seen them keep to themselves.). These people don't know each other and they don't have to be neighbours, they could simply be sharing the bathroom together or waiting in line together and I couldn't tell you how many people strike up conversations with other people including myself. But the thing is, I am awkward and I don't like talking to people I don't know unless it's a wacky day. I never know what to say and why start up some chit-chat when I can day dream or plan out what I'm going to watch later, eat for dinner, or things I might need to knock off my to-do list? I tend to be very goal oriented. There are probably two reasons for this. It's probably just in my nature, but also it's so I won't notice people mocking me. You think I'm kidding. People probably don't mock me now, but I noticed it my entire life growing up, well into my twenties, and by that time I'd had enough, so I put blinders on to humans and just focus on myself. Which means I pay attention to which parking spot at the downtown post office is available, I park, I feed the meter, I collect my things, and march to the door. Oh, I do notice the architecture because I love that building (it's very art deco and it's a pretty grand post office by our entire nations standards), or I'll notice if mushrooms or flowers are growing. If I hear a crow, I look around for it and if I see it I smile. Then I continue to notice the interior architecture while waiting in line, or I try to see what stamps they have displayed that are available. I handle my certain transactions and busy myself with getting back out the door and into my car. I say it's probably my nature because I'm clumsy by nature and focus on not tripping over myself or my butt playing bumper cars with tables and such. I've also been that kid to look around and notice the architecture and nature or animals a lot more than people. Neglecting to take in all of the world around me, causes troubles when someone starts speaking to me. My thoughts suddenly snap to 'Is someone talking to me? Oh god, where am I? What did they just say?!' "Huh, car? What's a car?" or a big fat "Ummmmmm" when they've asked my name. The addition of blinders hasn't helped this. But it's helped my sanity because I no longer notice if people stare or giggle or point because it's not like they've never seen a fat girl before. It's not like I'm naked or scantily clad or my thunder thighs are hanging out. I don't even schlump when I walk, I actually walk pretty fast and nice for a larger lady. I used to hear, "Boom! Boom! Boom!" from people, though that certainly isn't my walk. I know it still happens, as I've had the misfortune to come out of it all and notice the *gasp!* people, but I couldn't tell you if it's still a regular occurrence or not. If I'm not aware of them, people don't call out, "Hey fatty! Lay off the donuts!" because I'm not even paying attention to them in the first place. But, it is in my nature to be slightly absent minded and care about more than humans and be completely lost in my thoughts. Which is where the awkward and strange comes into play. It's just how I've always been. It is true, but it's not something I mind as it's me. But I think that uneducated people assuming that everyone but themselves is different and weird is probably why they think I'm from anywhere other than the south. I'm sure people like me exist everywhere, but for the most part the Germans or British people or Polish people or Russian people (scratch that, it was one girl and she was way weirder than me, she probably ate her skin!, oh and the other one, an older lady, she was weird too, but she'd survived the holocaust, so... plus she didn't seem like she'd eat her skin), people from all sorts of countries in Africa, Slovakia, people from Japan, China, South Korea, Vietnam, people from Costa Rica, people from Canada, French Canadians, people from the northern states, people from Mexico, people from Cuba, people from Australia, etc all seemed pretty chill and cool and not very awkward or all that strange. Though we did get on well, so perhaps while I can't pass for a white person from one of the white centric countries (Europe; west and East, Australia, South Africa, you know the places, perhaps some Middle Eastern region, or possibly somewhere in Central or South America), all of the peoples who aren't US American seem to think I'm pretty OK (or ya know, the one's I've met). I'll expand on the strange bit. So, sometimes I say things that other, mean spirited people might say, but where they're coming from a place over there (hate), I'm way off in left field. I'll explain. First my friend from Germany, who was an exchange student here. Everyone she encountered basically said the meanest things to her. Things like she was a Nazi, her parents, grandparents, etc were Nazis (I told some kids off at my coffee house for calling her that because how dare they. I think I was the only person to not immediately think she was Nazi), or else that basically America was the end all be all and way better than Germany so mocked her for being I don't know everything bad in the world; poor, stupid, etc. I would end up saying the same things as people, but instead of coming from a selfish place of ignorance and hate, I really wanted to know about life in Germany. One time she mentioned watching Nickelodeon with her brother and I interjected with, "You get Nickelodeon?!" and she retorted in a snippy voice that "Yes, we get Nickelodeon, we have all the channels and indoor plumbing too!" My head tilted to the side and I made a confused face to which she replied, "Oh, that's right, it's you, I don't need to be upset with you, you weren't being mean." "Of course not, I'm just wondering why we don't get y'all's channels too!" and she said, "See? This is why there's no reason to be mad at you." I was probably the only person she'd met here who genuinely wanted to see German programming. It's fine and all that they get our stuff, but it seems pushy on the US's part, to not also share and get their stuff too. Another time I was driving around with some friends. One was mine from childhood, they other two were Choctaw girls; one was my friend, the other her friend, so we didn't know each other that well. We were driving down 4th street at dusk and there were zombies crossing the road. Three people doing that early 60's zombie movie walk (so not fast zombies like in today's films). No one crosses that road at night, much less acting like zombies. "Do y'all see them!" I exclaimed. "Can y'all see them or is it just me." No one was answering and I was fast approaching and not sure if we'd have to knock their heads in to damage the brains before they ate ours. "No really, can y'all see them!?" Still no one answered and I'm driving and then the Choctaw girl that is my friend blurts out, "She doesn't mean because they're black, she means because they're dead!" I had no idea what was happening and was wondering what black people had to do with zombies. OK, sure they created them in West Africa and Haiti, but I don't see how that applies here as to who created them, Oh shit, she thinks I'm being racist! "No, no no... yeah (pointing at my friend in the passenger seat) yes, because I think they're dead!!... or undead rather. They were shuffling like zombies and I wanted to know if there were really people shuffling like zombies or if I'm just crazy." Her friend, you could tell, thought it was strange, but for a people who believe in creepy little people and all sorts of things white people tell them isn't there, she could get on board with a girl who believed in the paranormal... and a white girl to boot! Apparently it's a thing to make fun of foreigners for not being American or to make fun of black people for their skin, but I'm always coming from a place of innocence like a little kid, and would never dream of being that other person. I want to know about your culture and we should be able to experience your stuff too or is that really a creepy thing that goes bump in the night? I think I possibly exude this innocence and some people know I'm not going to eat them for breakfast and that while I might be dotty or weird, I'm never coming from a place of hate or ignorance. Even at uni, sometimes I hung out in this area that was near the International complex where all the international students congregated or had certain classes, because whatever particular class I had would be starting near there shortly. More people would cross the non busy road to talk to me, and never talk to all the other people surrounding me. Like they knew, "That one! She'll be nice and friendly and won't berate me or eat me like those other people." Mainly they were students from African and Asian countries. It was always help with something on campus; questions they needed answering. But why pick me out of the other twenty or thirty people? Sometimes I wasn't alone, and it didn't happen enough that word got around that I was the IT girl for these issues. I do think I was exuding "Yeah, I would never judge you for not being a white American. Ever. And of course I'll help." I'm pretty sure some of the other people would be judgy and mean, because some of them certainly exuded that and I wouldn't have gone to them with a question.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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