Apparently my doppelganger lives in town. She's been spotted for the last eighteen years and it's weird to say the least. This week she strikes again! I can only recall exactly one previous encounter, though I know there were about ten. I remember because people would argue with me and try to shame me for lying to them until I had to blow up at them and tell them to fuck off.
The incident I remember was with our postman. He'd been our postman just about my entire life. It's not like I knew him, but he's the person who was always delivering the mail. I happened to be outside on this particular day, so I walked over to retrieve the mail from him. "Hey, I saw you this weekend." o_0 "Yeah, at the mall." o_0 "Umm... I haven't been to the mall in a year." "Sure! You were selling airbrushed T-shirts with your boyfriend." O_O "I don't think so..." "Yeah, and you're going by the name Rainbow now." O_O "No. That wasn't me." He continues to argue with me, kind of snarkily, that it in fact was me. After five minutes of this I practically spit at him. "I do NOT have a boyfriend, and I certainly wouldn't be with someone who sells airbrushed T-shirts at the MALL! And I would never change my name to something as stupid as Rainbow!" It was harsh, but I don't like be accused and accosted when I merely wanted the mail. And he was kind of being haughty and mocking towards me almost like 'This stupid girl is trying to put one over on me. I'll show her.' Well, no. No you won't. If he hadn't of been so pushy and arrogant, it wouldn't have come to that end. But he was, and I was cornered and let him have it. Most of the time, this is where these incidents led. Some girl was doing something benign and people were just certain that I was her. They'd tell me they saw me, wouldn't believe me, get angry at me for apparently lying to them, and then I'd have to tell them to go and fuck themselves and leave me alone. This week, however, was different. I do not know if it was because all of the previous incidents were people that somewhat knew me, or if it was also because they were white. This time it was a black guy at the checkout counter at Walmart. I'm including it, because it could very well be that he isn't white, because white people are so pushy and mean I have found. But it could also simply be that they were people I was somewhat associated with, whereas this guy I didn't know at all. "Hey, I remember you! You were in here earlier this week." o_0 "Well, I was here recently, but not since last week." "Oh... so it wasn't you needing help in the cosmetics section?" "No, afraid not. I apparently just have a twin floating around somewhere. Heh." "Oh, I was about to say, 'For real!' because she looked just like you." At least this girl isn't murdering old ladies or robbing banks, because I think I'd be in trouble. It's always been things that don't much matter. They're not exciting like the time on Friends when that woman stole Monica's identity and had more fun with it than she did. So no one's coming up to me and saying, "Hey, how was your trip to Germany? What? But I saw you at the airport buying a ticket and you said you were going there." or "I saw you at the Elton John concert last week." "Or hey, congratulations, I saw you won that luxury car!" And luckily it's nothing too tacky, stupid, or nefarious. It's just having a boyfriend and selling T-shirts, or buying make-up at Walmart, or whatever the other things were; eating food at this one place or buying music at the mall. Apparently she's more amiable than I, though. I'm all like, 'Why are people talking to me? I'm trying to focus on checking out (or getting the mail or navigating a parking lot, etc). What are they saying?" or the times I had to be all bitchy. According to them she's the most likable person in the world... so I'm wondering why they even think it is me? haha Oh, I remember another incident, though I'm not certain that I can pin it on this girl. I went to the mall and I don't know which store I was heading towards, but I'd come in through the food court and was going to pass by those merchants that sell things from mall carts in the center. Before I'd even approached one this guy came running towards me calling out "Rachel!" Well, it weirded me out because that is my moms name. "Does this guy know my mom?" He kept calling, "Rachel" and then speaking in another language, but I can't be certain what it sounded like as he was running towards me. I got the impression based on his facial and body stance that he was like, "What the hell?! Why are you ignoring me!?" but I want to say he was speaking Hebrew from my memory, but now I question myself. Arabic and Hebrew do not sound alike, but now the tone and inflections are muddied in my memory, so I am uncertain. His accent later sounded more of someone whose language is Arabic. Anyway, once he got up to me, he was about to embrace me, then he stopped, backed away, and said, "I'm so sorry. I thought you were Rachel. I'm so so sorry." It was probably because of the face I was making. My thoughts were 'I don't know this guy. Does he think I look like my mom? He's so young, how would he know my mom... oh, god he's going to touch me. A human is going to touch me.' I'm not big on touching people, I don't care who they are. I give allowances for some people I know because their energy does not feel bad. But I'll be scared if it's someone I don't know. And I'll think it's awkward. And so many people want to touch me. Give me hugs, put their hand on my arm or shoulder. I even had some old lady recently rub her hand down my back. Not in a sexual way, but a grandmotherly way, but I didn't know her!!! Why would she do this?! And it's not a southern thing. Sure, southerners are super huggy, but if they don't like you or think you're not good enough or whatever, then they will not hug you. Period. Perhaps the one random older lady will reach out and gently touch your arm as in "Oh, I'm so sorry.", but they don't run their hand down your back, or pat your back, or put their hand on your shoulder and let it stay there. And they certainly won't hug you if they don't wish to. And I say this because mainly people don't seem to care for me... so why are they hugging me or trying to touch me? I don't know if you, dear reader, believe in energy, but I think that I do and I think I have nice energy and they're taking it. Most, not vampirically, though some of these people do not feel nice. I think they just like the way my energy feels and can't help but move closer. Hell, there's this one old lady that I sort of know and she gets so far into my three feet of personal space, that all I can see is a blurry image of her eyes and I have to back away! But, so apparently I look exactly like this either Jewish or Middle Eastern Rachel (or perhaps she isn't and she's just so friendly, she became super bff's with this guy and his friends). I do not know if it is the same as Rainbow or the Walmart Cosmetics customer or any of the other times people have thought it was me, or me them. But it is strange. I wonder if people see me out and then when they see her they say, "I saw you at such and such place or why were you so sad the other day when I saw you out (sad because I apparently have resting bitch face and it would seem that my doppelganger is nothing but smiles). Does she get accosted in the same way when she says it wasn't her? Does she even really look like me? People get offended when it's only a slight chance of a thing that makes them look similar. My mom and I have dark hair and are overweight. Otherwise I look nothing like her. She has black hair, china white skin like some doll, and deep blue eyes. She has a large and straight nose. My hair is dark brown, my skin is lightly olive complected and I have sun marks on my face and freckles. My eyes are green with a small ring of blue, and my nose is small and buttony. You wouldn't put us together and say, "Oh, I see the similarities! Y'all are related!" Just as you wouldn't say The Sister and I look related. He hair is reddish brown, her skin colouring is more golden, and she has sun marks and freckles. She has grey eyes and a nose quite similar to our moms and a cleft chin like our dad (though her cleft isn't as pronounced.) It bothers us that people make assumptions and then to save face they lie. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian couple, unless you're sisters and the thought makes your stomach turn. And you wonder why people don't just think you're super bff's. Oh no. They'll say, "Oh... your friend was in here earlier." The italicized friend to denote the thing one shouldn't speak of in mixed company. That thing being lesbianism. I know because I've had the same comment about one of my friends and the word isn't italicized in their voice, almost a whisper. Your friend *wink, wink*. No, they just say, "You're friend was in here earlier" as if they were discussing table lamps. Then when you say, "She's my sister." they recount with an overly dramatic and joyful "Oh, of course! I knew you were, y'all look so alike." Manners dictates that I don't immediately tell them they're a fucking liar, though I want to. It didn't offend me the one time someone thought my friend and I were a couple. I just said, "No, we're friends" as if we were discussing table lamps. I know these people don't realize that The Sister and I are sisters, but still with their assumptions of things they feel are shady, which are not, they've inadvertently added incest into the mix. There was one time, I might have been the first time that happened, where I showed disgust on my face and the person wanted to get all high and mightly that being a lesbian is fine. "Well, sure it is, but we're sisters!" and then they profusely apologized. It's like asking people when they're going to have babies. You just don't ask or assume, because it's rude. If I were a lesbian, but wasn't out, it would be rude. If I were a lesbian, and I simply don't know you and it's none of your damn business, it's still rude. So, this whole friend thing is ridiculous. I'm getting off topic. It bothers me that people assume things, thinking we don't look alike, and they saying, "Of course! I see the resemblance" which just makes me want to slap them and say, "No you didn't you asshole!" or the fact that people will say I look exactly like my mom, when I don't, and it's like comparing oranges to bears and that pisses me off. It's not that mom is ugly, she isn't, but it negates all of me that makes me me. For them to say that we look exactly alike takes away the grey hair that I love (which she doesn't have... or didn't when people said this), my button nose, my skin colouring, my sun marks, my bushy eyebrows, all of it. They've just taken me away and made me into a carbon copy of someone else. If we did look exactly alike, I'd accept that. I'd roll my eyes because it would probably be the millionth time I'd heard this statement, but I'd concede that it was true. There was this girl in high school that teachers and staff were always getting me confused with, and her with me. We both hated it. It was a sea of white people and I mean predominantly pasty white people. There was only four Asian kids and probably fifteen black kids. Then you had three people who didn't fit. One guy whose skin was dark brown, he wasn't black, nor Indian nor Central American. He was just a white guy who had kind of dark skin. Then there was me and that girl, the only two olive complected people in the entire school. We were both overweight, but differently. She was a round ball, and I looked like someone had constructed a snow man. We were both about the same height and we both had dark hair, but her's was straight and thin, while mine was this bushy mane of Hermione hair. Other than olive skin, overweight, and dark hair, we didn't look the same at all. Yet, everyone would call me by her name and call her by mine and it bothered us greatly, because my mantra became I'm Sarah! while she did the same with her own name. To which the adults would wave it away because what did it matter. So, I started calling the adults by each others names and they didn't like it one bit. "But what does it matter?" I'd state and then walk away. Apparently it does matter a great deal. I've heard time and time again twins recount how they hate when people mix them up because they are not the same person. I totally understand.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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