Apparently this a thing on the internet, that I was unaware of, until my friend shared it because she's excited every year to read the responses. My first thought though was, "How does one share a single story when that is their entire life?" Honestly, I wouldn't know which incident to choose. Most of which are hardly believable and would ostracize me even further in society or probably have me locked away. I realize that a lot of people don't believe in this sort of thing or fluff it away with, "but you were in your sleep..." or "it's all in your mind..." This is all very true. And also not true. It's hard to even fathom that this is the life I have led, probably something I chose, if past lives are to be believed, and that I didn't even realize that this isn't the lives that normal people experience... not until I was well into my twenties and thirties. We'll just start with dreams because we'll have to start this somewhere. I have been plagued with nightmares and night terrors since I can remember. I didn't even realize that most people never have nightmares, or if they do they're really just slightly bad dreams. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal to have lots of nightmares/night terrors. What constitutes as a lot? That depends. There are people who have them more than me, like either/or every single night, or once a week, or once a month, etc. But most people do not have nightmares about 30 times a year and a night terror is even far less likely to be had my most people, so my 1 - 5 a year would be considered alarming to a doctor. Take away the supernatural aspect, they would just say that from a scientific stand point something is wrong with my brain or that I'm overly stressed, etc. I'm also not a person who says that every dream that I have is a nightmare. Generally I have weird or bad dreams and only occasionally do I have dreams that are bland. I always dream in colour, but the colours are always muted and like some horror film. It might not all be black, grey, blue, but the oranges or pinks or golds are so muted that it's like horror movie fog covering everything. So if it is a vibrantly coloured dream that shows colours in waking life on a clear day or even one of those pretty hyped up photo's to make all the colours pop, I am excited after I wake up because that is a rarity for me. Living a life with a very vivid dream pattern, I know my dreams. I don't mean that I know their meanings, but I mean that I know the difference between them. The difference is feelings. A bland dream will just be random stuff cobbled together from my subconcious and won't have a feeling. A weird dream will be the same things, but they'll be weird. Like things are happening. Examples would be a bland dream is I'm riding a bicycle or painting a room. A weird dream will have me following Josh Gates around some school block and hunting out cakes in the shapes of babies, but that signify different diseases. That last bit sounds creepy, but it wasn't. There was no feeling about it and all of it was just pretty weird. It's also, incidentally, parts of dreams that I had just two nights ago. I get Josh Gates being there as I'd just watched the Expedition Unknown special that night. Him having a crush on me, the school block, the diseased baby cakes? I don't know where the hell that stuff was coming from though. Was it supernatural? No, not at all. Why? Because there were no feelings in the dreams. A bad dream could also have animals that I find creepy, or even situations that I find creepy, in waking life that is. There could be spiders or hornets or wasps or clowns, but if there are no feelings then it's just a weird dream. A bad dream would have those things, with a slight creep factor, but I am not being chased or attacked. If there are feelings, they are on the low end of the scale. The hornets, unlike in a weird dream where they are just sitting around having tea or just buzzing around lazily, are now looking angry and acting menacingly. That's the difference in weird vs bad. A nightmare would have the hornets attacking me, or one giant super hornet attacking me and the creep factor and fear would be through the roof. Most times when waking up from a nightmare or a night terror I am still feeling the heightened fear, but the day after if I remember the nightmare, it seems silly because the fear feeling isn't there at all. I say all of this because most people that tell me they had a horrible nightmare, but there were no feelings and it was just hornets drinking tea, but they hate hornets so it was a "horrible nightmare". I actually envy those people slightly, considering that's what constitutes a horrible nightmare for them. There are also the dead dreams. These can range from weird to bad to actual nightmares and always are the night terrors. I say dead, but it's not all dead people/ghosts. These dreams have feelings and not just fear feelings. It's like the difference in licking cardboard and having a slice of rich cake or the feeling of a cotton T-shirt vs the feeling of anghora. It's a marked difference. It's something completely out of the ordinary and pings with you; ringing all of the bells. It's a feeling of "This isn't a dream." My sleeping self has even stepped back in those dreams and thought, "This isn't right!". Where when it's a normal dream whether it's the bland, the weird, or the bad, they still feel like dreams. I don't have my sleeping self analyze the events or even to analyze my dream self. If it's just a dream, it's just a dream, even if it's scary, even if it's a nightmare. It's just happening in my subconcious. However the dead dreams feel like the film Inception. It's all messed up and doesn't feel like it's just a dream. So, let's delve into my creepy dreams. Used to have a recurring bad dream about an eighteenth century house. I'd either be driving or walking and end up in a small clearing surrounded on three sides by woods. Depending on which night I dreamt this, the house would be pristine or completely run down, it was always late autumn and there was always a mist around the place. The house was always white. It was a bad dream because I always kept returning to that house in the middle of other dreams and wouldn't want to be at that house. Like something bad had once happened in that house or else the area was alive with phantom spirits or something. It was just always creepy and there was a little fear there. This, however, was just a dream, and not real. Used to have a recurring dream of something bad in my house; some thing. Just a shapeless mass filled of creepiness and ick. This house that I currently live in and which is the house I have always lived in. The dreams would range from it looking exactly like the house in waking life, or else not looking anything like it, but in dream land I knew it to be this house. The thing, that I never saw, would wake me up from sleep and I would fly out of my bedroom, down the stairs and out into the front yard. Sometimes in the dream there would be time spent inside the house before I could find away to escape. Those were the early dreams. The more I had it, the more I could escape more easily and not have to spend time in the house. That part was a nightmare. The rest of the dream had me running from the house down the street, past the houses I've grown up with to the end of the horseshoe and the stop sign. In the early dreams, the thing would chase me down this street and I was only safe after I passed the stop sign (which there was always a raging creek that I had to cross). After awhile, the thing never left the house, so never chased me down the street. While it took forever in the early dreams to make it around the horseshoe of my neighbourhood, by the end, I flew down and around the street with the houses zooming by quickly. Always though, after the stop sign is where the nightmare simply became a weird dream, as I would make my way through the expanse of this area to all sorts of neighbourhoods that I have traversed in my childhood. Knocking on doors, going to random houses, patrolling streets. Sometimes a particular part in the dream with escalate to a bad dream, but it never reached nightmare status. I'd even venture out of this labrynth of neighbourhood to another area and encounter a highway or even a mountain to the stars. The last time I had this recurring nightmare/dream was just last year. It comes less and less, but I've had it as long as I can remember. Most of the time, the thing in the house, was just a dream. Occasionally, however, it felt real and not like it was just part of a super scary dream. From the ages of 3/4 to about 6/7 I had the recurring nightmare of abandonment. It's not really a style that would constitute as a nightmare now, but during that age the fear level was super high over being abandoned, so during those ages it was a highly emotional nightmare for me. It was always a small delivery truck, where the back door lifts up and in. The back was open and my mother was sitting on the back with her legs dangling over the sides. The truck was moving, but very slowly. She was drinking cans of beer and was innebriated. I was running after her, as fast as I could, my feet slapping against the asphalt, but I could never catch up to her. I was screaming and crying for her to come back and to not leave me. She'd laugh at me and throw empty beer cans at me. I would wake up crying absolutely fearful that my mother would leave me. My mother wasn't really a drinker. Her and my dad would have one beer every now and then, and were never drunk. There was verbal abuse in my family when I was young and my parents would have terrible rows, those of which would have use kids hiding away so as not to be found. And while I probably did feel slightly abandoned in my waking life, because my dad was always at work and my mother, though at home, couldn't be found, I really thought it was a great life being my own boss and doing whatever I wanted. So, what was with that nightmare? Also, it didn't feel real at all, it just terrorized me. Within the past five years I had a nightmare that was not real (as most of them aren't). My parents, sister and I were in the desert and happened upon this abandoned petrol station. Real small, probably built in the fifties. We go in and it's like a museum. There's all these South American artifacts in little niches in the walls and in class cabinets. The room formed an L from the entrance to the left side where there was a larger entrance to a pretty ominous looking ancient complex. In the dream, though Marcus Brody and Indiana Jones were present, I knew them to be my mom and dad. The Sister looked the same. Indiana Jones dad sat down on a stool and propped his head up on his elbow in this glass cabinet right beside the large entrance to the temple/city/I don't know what. Marcus Brody Mom was missing when I stopped looking at the artifacts. She was in the complex and had made it to the lower level, down those long steps and was about to enter this cave opening. I wanted to cry out to tell her no, because once you entered whatever was in there ate you (or something. Basically you never came back). But it was too late, she'd entered and mom, in the form of Marcus Brody, was dead. I couldn't go there. I couldn't save her. Then all of a sudden Marion Ravenwood was in trouble along the second level. Marion was just Marion from Raiders, but was part of our party, so I needed to go and save her. On the second level, after entering a descending down a short flight of steps you had to go to the left, as there was no right section. To the left were pillars and she was in the area behind them which was blocked by giant spiders. They weren't LotR giant spiders, but looked very Incan drawn and only two-dimensional, but were about 8 feet tall. They were come down from the ceiling and block my way and I knew that just touching them I would die instantly. I had to be careful not to go too far to the other side of the complex as there were dark archways where things lived. They wouldn't come out, but if you came too close they'd grab you and drag you into the darkness. So, I finally got Marion free of the spiders and I knew right before I entered the complex that I only had a certain amount of time to be in there because it would claim my life. Just being in there too long would cause death. I kept fretting about the time while in there and I got myself and Marion out in just under twenty minutes (which was the cut off). I'm wanting to collect dad and The Sister from the petrol station entrance and I notice that Indiana Jones Dad, who looked just like Indy from Raiders, was still sitting in the same position and had aged to a seventy or eighty year old man. Just sitting that close to the complex hadn't killed him but had aged him significantly. Grabbed him and The Sister and exited into bright sun before waking up. This was just a dream, albeit, a nightmare, but it wasn't real, though was creepy as hell. Kept having recurring dreams where I'd wake up in my room because some thing would wake me up and I'd go to turn on the light and it wouldn't work. I call these the Lights Dreams. It didn't matter which light I'd choose, it either wouldn't turn on, or if it did it would be so, so low that it was pointless and didn't light anything up. The creepy thing would be lurking, and I'd be frantic to get some lights on, any lights. The thing never got me, but also the lights never worked either. These were nightmares. Sometimes they felt real, but sometimes they didn't. I'd reached the end of my tether one night though. The nightmare started the same way, and was real. There was something really there in the dream, stalking me. I tried one light, nothing. Another light, nothing. I was scared at first, but then I'd just had enough. I was pissed off. Pissed off me stood at the top of the stairs facing downward. I raised my arms above my head and thought of how I wanted all the lights on. Every light in the house came on instantly and were brighter than in waking life. I wanted the front door at the bottom of the stairs open and it flew open with a blast. I said, "Get the fuck out of my house now!" and all of these whispy things flew past me, down the stairs and out the door. They looked like the haints and spooks from that Fantasia story where, is it Lucifer? that is the creature of the mountain and he wakes up at Halloween and all the things come flying to that mountain to circle around it and party, until dawn comes and the demon creature folds up it's wings to sleep and become the mountain again. They were sketchy whisps like those dead things. Then I used my "powers" to slam the door shut and I left that real dream for a non real dream. I've not had troubles with the lights in my dreams/nightmares since. Another recurring nightmare, I can't decide if it's the same dream, a related dream or something different. The only difference were the lights and that the thing didn't lurk, but chase. Lights were never an issue. Sometimes the dream was real, sometimes not. But some thing would wake me from sleep in my bedroom and chase me through the house. I never had time to turn the lights on and I'm not sure if it's the same thing from the Lights Dreams or something different. It would chase me all through the house, even inside the house, like inside the walls (because there were tunnels) or in the eaves of the house. I'd wake up when it almost got me. One night I'd had enough of being chased by it, so I was being chased by it at first and then my sleeping self said, "Hold on a goddamn minute. I'm not doing this shit anymore." My dreaming self stopped and turned to face the thing. I call this the Balrog Dream. That's what the thing reminded me of, only much smaller. Hulking figure, black skin, and wings. But only 7 feet tall. It stopped and looked alarmed because I had to stopped to face it. Then it was going to attack and it didn't smile, but it seemed happy like finally it could get me. I suddenly pulled a sword off my person, a curved one, and it didn't seem happy anymore. I fought the fuck out of that Balrog. I chased it, it chased me, I swung my sword and met flesh and the metal of its sword. We fought all over and all in the house, in spaces that probably don't even exist. I woke up without ever defeating it, but I've not been woken and chased my anything in dreams since then. I should note that the nightmares/night terrors where something is chasing me or trying to attack me leave me feeling exhausted. Well, the one's that have that real feeling to them. I might feel exhausted from a non real dream, but like I'd just leisurely cleaned the house. If it's a real dream with action like that, I feel like an inexperienced hiker who just climbed a freaking mountain. They're both waking up tired from exertion, but are completely different types of tired. A nightmare not too long ago, and one that was real, was that I was awoken from sleep in my dream. There was some thing in my room that woke me up just by being there and watching me. It started off like the Lights Dreams, only I didn't even fret about turning on lights. When to the bathroom to pee, flicked on a light and it wasn't bright, but it wasn't very dim either. When I came back out into the hallway, there were multicoloured lights sort of blinking or moving around in my bedroom, I could see the light from underneath the door. I immediately felt dread and though I didn't want to open the door, I knew that I needed to get back in there as quickly as possible. I opened the door, and there was a strand of multicoloured Christmas lights (which I do have in my room, but they're around my window), strung from one side to the other in front of the door to my closet and the doorway to the slanted room. They were on and because the string was moving, that was the dancing light effect I had seen underneath the door. The thing, which I couldn't see, but could feel, had strung up my cat Poe from the Christmas lights. He was hanging by his neck and struggling not to asphyxiate. I was screaming for my dad, specifically to come and help me, and in my minds eye I knew that he wouldn't because the thing had put him and my mom to sleep. I kept screaming anyway, and I was trying to keep Poe lifted up and trying to free him from the entanglement. The thing was happy that I wasn't able to free Poe, and the nightmare ended. I shot up in bed, crying, and short of breath, and immediately ran around the house to check all the cats, and specifically Poe. When I say it was real, I don't mean that any of our cats were currently being hurt in the dream world, but that the thing really had invaded my dream world. But still, it's always good to make sure the cats are all right, right? Yes. And by thing, I don't mean ghosts. It's some manevolent entity. Something not nice at all. You can call them demons, shadow people, evil fae, interdimensional beings, I don't care. I only know that they are not good... at all. I have a lot of bad dreams, and these are just the creepy ones that are mostly not real. I'm having to break this down into three separate posts on just dreams and sleep. Next up, are The Dead Dreams.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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