My twentieth high school reunion is coming up this Saturday. There's a myriad of reasons I won't be going, which is weird, because when this picture was taken I couldn't wait for my first high school reunion to happen. So that picture was taking my junior year of high school. About twenty one years ago this time. Back then I thought it'd be super swell to attend my high school reunion. Romy & Michele's High School Reunion & Gross Point Blank played a part in that mentality, but there were other factors as well.
Perhaps my friends and I would move away, so I'd want to see them all again. Also, my parents were always going to their high school reunions as were other people. It seemed like something that would be fun. But a lot of things have happened since this photo was taken. I ended up graduating a semester earlier than all of my classmates, so wasn't around for the last half of our senior year, senior skip day, senior class picture, attending senior prom, walking in my own graduation. I was so dissociated from my graduating class by that time I was never added to the school list. Several years after we graduated apparently letters were sent out just to keep in touch with people. A friend of mine that I still had contact with had to show me to keep me informed. Even when I contacted the former class president to add me to the list, that never happened. Then they decided to have a 10 year class reunion. I thought I might go until I realized I'd have to pay $50 to attend. It was $30 for couples and $50 for singles. I didn't see why I had to pay twenty dollars more when there's not double of me? Also, the high price included alcohol. I don't drink. So I certainly didn't want to pay all that money for something I wouldn't be consuming. And there was the fact about seeing people. There was already Myspace in between then and also Facebook. One of my good guy friends was now a total jerk to me. The other one, I saw once on holiday and then he decided to back away. Other friends had failed and wouldn't be at the 1999 class reunion and others had decided to block me on Facebook for trying to add them as a friend. Nah, I think I'll pass on paying $50 to see people I don't really want to see. So, we're to our 20th now. The same girl who told me about the letter all those years ago, and invited me to join the 10 year group invited me to join the 20 year group. It's weird that she does this, because we aren't friends anymore. If she sees me out she acts scared, though we didn't part on bad terms. She was always kind of a social busybody, so it's not unlike her nature to make sure everyone knows, so perhaps that's it. But it's still strange. However, it's the same deal again. Same prices and for the same reasons. But there's the issue with life. You know, people at these things are catching up and even in social situations if that's not what people are doing they still ask the same exact questions. A] Are you married? B] Do you have kids? C] What do you do for a living? & D] What have you been doing since high school? I'm OK with my life as it's my life. Sure there are some things I would change, but it is what it is. No point in crying about what if's and such. However, my answers are not what people want to hear. I didn't finish collage, I don't have a career or a job, I still live at home with my parents, I'm not married (nor have I ever dated), and I don't have children. I do a lot, but you can't sum that up into a two minute summary. People do judge in those situations. I'd pretty much tell 'em to go fuck themselves if they gave THE look of judgement or actually said anything, and do I want to pay $50 to tell people to go and fuck themselves? Not really. Do I care what they think of me? No, but also who has time for that shit? I certainly don't. There isn't a lot I've done since high school, but let's see. I've had some jobs, but nothing to write home about. I've traveled some; to Mexico, North Carolina, Disney World, The Mountains, Baltimore & New Orleans, & The Mississippi Gulf Coast. I've rescued & rehabilitated cats. I've done art & been a part of several art shows. I've had two stores on Etsy. I've had a penpal, was a bridesmaid three times, helped an elderly couple and became re-acquainted with two of my "mothers". I've taught myself the basics of several languages as well as other things in science and history (all of which, and more, I continue to learn). I've written blog posts about important issues. I've co-coordinated three Pow-Wows, helped to plan a Medicine Wheel Garden, hosted a sacred drumming circle in my backyard. I've visited sacred sites to the Choctaws in Mississippi. I've been inducted as a Gourd Dancer. I've had a pop up pool and access to real pools and swam the hell out of all of them. I've spent time with my family & helped them with aging and medical things as well as just running errands for them or playing games with them or watching films. I've dealt with the deaths of both of my grandmothers and my brother; all three of whom I was very close to. I've helped my mom plan her cremation/service for real and helped my dad plan his cremation/service just by having the discussion. I almost died and survived. I inherited a lot of cool items and when my dad's jewelry shop closed I could pick any and all things I wanted and made out with over $15K worth of jewelry. It seems fantastical, but dad wasn't able to sell it, and most were things he'd made with his own hands and are things I wear (I'm wearing four of the rings right now) and mean something to me). Is this normal for people? No, but it's part of my life since high school. I was raped, but no one wants to hear about that. So, people probably shouldn't ask about things that have happened to people unless they're prepared for answers like that, because someone may not have boundaries and actually tell you. I've also had my heart smashed once. I've collected a lot of cool specimens, drank a lot of coffee, read a lot of books, toured some cool places, seen a lot of films, gotten some cool and thoughtful and random gifts from people, worked through issues, grown, been to a lot of museums. I've met some cool people from the internet or else traded letters and parcels with them. But like I said, there's no clear cut answer, for me, to those questions. Except a lot of "No's" and then "Ugh... I don't know. I do... things? I don't have a job. Umm..." Ooh, yeah that's some real good conversation right there. Very few people liked me in high school. The people that did, we've drifted so far apart & even if we didn't drift too far apart, as in it might be nice to see them again, they didn't graduate with the class (failed or were a grade lower anyways), or else might not be there. So, do I really want to pay $50 for alcohol and to see all these people that I probably won't enjoy seeing again anyways? For me to not have a good enough answer to their questions and not enough time or interest to say some things I've "been up to"? I'm thinking that's a hard pass, y'all. They had an after party last year because they found the elite Country Club too stuffy and some people couldn't or wouldn't pay to come to the real reunion. But I was stuck with the same thing. Even though the after party was free, what the hell would I talk about with these people? I'm thinking that if I go to a reunion it'll be when we're almost 50 or almost 60, because by that time no one will care about your job and marriage and kids, but you can just say "Oh, stuff... livin' life." and they'll probably respond with, "Yeah, I hear that." And then ya'll can move onto politics or films or something. Or "Remember back in the '90's when such and such was popular or such and such happened?" Instead of all this "I'm living my best (read: social fitting) life right now and I'll more than likely look down on you if you're not following the same path as me." Where you know when people get old none of that matters. They've done the kids thing and might have grandkids, but they won't care if other people did that or not. They might still have their spouse but they could have gone through divorce or death, so there's no mid life "competition" bs. I'm pretty certain no one will care and we can just be people without weird expectations that I don't fall into. And perhaps by then someone will have staged a coups and these things won't be at the stuffy (& racist!) Country Club because there's no one to impress anymore and we'll just have it somewhere easy going and cheaper. Plus so much time will have passed that perhaps I won't mind seeing these people again. It's not that I'm absolutely against it, but I'm absolutely against it for the price tag and the whole middle aged expectations that I'm bound to encounter in at least half the people present. Like I'd being paying $50 to be a less angry (& less wealthy) Heather Mooney in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. I'm just not really feeling it; that it's not worth my time or effort. I actually made my final decision last week and feel just great about it. It feels good to not go. I have no regrets. Not for skipping the 10 year or for skipping out on this one. My decision might lie in the fact that I'm not really a part of that class. Just as one who failed is no longer part of the class of 1999, but of 2000, I do kind of feel like I'm not a part of that class anymore. I'm not a part of 1998 either, I'm just somewhere, all alone, in between the two classes. It feels like some weird intrusion to go to the 1999's reunion. Perhaps another year I'll intrude, but not this year. If there's an after party mentioned, I'll decide, then, if it feels right to go or not.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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