I've always had this certain notion of love. Where you and your mate know each other so well you can know what the other is thinking or how they're feeling just from a hand gesture, stance, facial expression, or some audible grunt they give when they're feelings are hurt or they're bored, thrilled, etc. And you know that because you know them. That the two of you can be comfortable reading quietly together in the same room or goofing off together doing something y'all love and just having a grand time either way. They'll have their quirks and you'll have yours and you'll see them, acknowledge those, and love that person, quirks and all. Like completely love them, even if they get on your nerves sometimes, and you'd do anything for them; do anything to please them; just to bring a smile to their face, to brighten their day in some way. And of course I think that love is give and take, so they'd want to do anything to please you as well. I don't even know if this is some idealogical 12-year-old girl fantasy of what love is... or if this is how love should be? I don't know, because I've never experienced that with a mate. I've experienced this sort of thing with close friends that I love, but never someone who I am in love with; or them me. I've never had a mate. I'm OK if I never have one, it's neither here nor there. It's just... that well... I don't know and really my only examples of couplehood are my parents and if that's anything to go on then my view is rubbish, right? So, my parents met in high school and my mom basically stalked him. That's them up there in the intro photo in their late teens. Dad was mega good looking (right?!), but thought that he was a geeky, unattractive loser. Didn't think girls would go for him. Mom did though. So, they've been together fifty-four years and married for forty-eight. There've been a lot of fights. A lot. Also a lot of dates for this anniversary or that or just because it's a Tuesday. They even renewed their vows and had a second honeymoon fifteen or so years ago. However, dad's going to be 71 in less than three months and mom's pushing 70... and they're completely worried that strangers won't find them ravishingly attractive. Should I not be stunned by this? It's not because they're old. It's because they're married to each other. They've been together over half a century and they want other people to find them desirable and attractive. My idea of love is that you'd only want your mate to find you desirable and attractive because you find them to be this and they're all you'll ever want or need. Is that childish? Or perhaps are others not experiencing love when they want to be desirable to others or go and find "love" with someone who isn't their spouse? I'll probably never have to worry about any of this, but it's on my mind because my parents keep mentioning it to me lately. Like mentioning it in passing that they're so old that people out there in the world wouldn't find them mad hot basically. But then my parents don't necessarily have the best track record for things like this. They're kind of childish themselves. Don't know how to pick up after themselves, throw temper tantrums, can't think logically like adults. I have retained childlike qualities, but I do know how to adult. And my childlike qualities aren't crossing my arms and stamping my feet when I don't get my way. They're more still being entertained by cartoons, finding wonder in nature and mechanics, science and all sorts of things. Wanting to learn more, expand on what I know, because it still seems new like when you're a kid and you must know all about it. So, perhaps this type of thinking and talking is on par for my parents, but if it's the way real love works out in the world then you can keep it. If I find a man to be mine, I want him to be mine. I want to be the only one he'll ever need or love and I want him to be that for me. I do think that it's funny, in a weird way, that two extremely good looking people managed to have a kid whose not so good looking, but who probably understands love a lot better than they do.
No, I'm not hideous. I'm symmetrical-ish, though my smile is lop-sided. But I'm not super model gorgeous, though my parents were. This was one of those 'which parent do you favour' and I was beyond thrilled that it was dad for 88%. Is that weird? Different topic, different day I suppose.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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