I'm currently dealing with my own Pustulio fiasco. Yes, that's PUSS-tool-ee-o As in puss, as in Pustulio is a zit. I feel like Zim at the beginning of this episode when he's screaming, "Ahh!! No!!!" because the thing on his face is growing. OK, so what first. Zim or the zit? I suppose we should talk about the first, so it makes a little more sense, yeah?
Invader Zim was a cartoon in the early 2000's. Yes, I watched it. Yes, I loved it. Yes, I own all the epi's on DVD. Yes, I was too old for it at the time, if you go by the 'only little kids watch cartoons' motto. It was canceled, but now can be found in comic form. Zim is an alien invader who isn't very smart. His robot, GIR, isn't smart either. Apparently Zim is allergic to Earth Meats, because I think the kids threw bologna or something on him and that's how his zit formed. Only it grew really quickly to the size you see up there. He found that the way it bobbled, the puss inside hypnotized his robot and thus Pustulio was born. By that I mean Zim drew the face on it and affixed the suit. Did he conquer the world for the Irken Empire? No. Because his plans always fail miserably. In this epi, Pustulio started growing even larger and then burst, spraying all of Zim's classmates (yes, he goes to grammar school, so as to fit in with the Smelly Earth children) for like an entire minute. So now you're caught up with the misadventures of a 2000s cartoon alien and his hypnotic zit. So, now onto point two. I have a mega Pustulio zit on my face beside my left nostril. I wasn't a teenager who suffered from acne all over my face constantly, but a small zit would pop up every now and then, and a Pustulio would crop up maybe three times a year, if that much. I have still had the occasional small zit over the years, though not with the rare frequency I saw in my teen years. I have not had a Pustulio since I was perhaps 19 or 20. I do know that adults can suffer from zits on occasion, and women especially as their hormones start to fluctuate because they're dealing with the change, but it's off-putting. I mean, you'll hear me state it a lot, I even did in one of those last posts, but biology is gross. Zits are gross. They're human and relatively normal, but they're not a pleasing thing; either to deal with or to gaze upon. I was glad to be out of my teens because I thought, at the time, that I was done dealing with this particular annoyance, but my body is now laughing at my ignorance. No one likes to put it so bluntly or so morbidly, but I'm dying. That's not a statement people bandy about, because if you just read that then you're now thinking that I'm coughing up blood or I'm about to drop dead with some incurable disease or malady. No, I'm dying because we all are because that is life. Things in my body work better than someone twenty years older than me, but my body is certainly not 17 anymore. Certain things aren't being produced anymore and things are slowly shutting down. To be blunt, my interior lady parts are dying. Really, you'd just say I'm aging and going through a processes, but it is still a death in a manner of speaking. Those metaphorical gears are slowing and will someday soon stop completely. I'll have gone through the change and be menopausal. It's a death because as a menopausal female my lady parts will have ceased it's monthly cycles of shedding uterine lining and that of my monthly bleeding. As a female, part of my body already died while I was in the womb. All the eggs that I'll ever had were being produced in utero and then that function stopped. It was over and dead before I was even born. I'll never have more eggs like males can produce more sperm. I'll go through another death where those eggs are concerned. Since I don't plan on making babies, they'll continue to flush out one by one, every month during my periods. Once they're gone, then they're gone forever and it's over. It's a death. It's a slow process in the span of a human life, but I'm still slowly dying like everyone is. I suppose it's weird to think about it that way, but it's not a lie. There's a reason that so many people utter the quote of "As soon as you're born, you start dying". It's what bodies do. This who thing is in reference to Pustulio because I'm starting to go through the change. My interior woman parts are on that slow decline to no longer functioning. I will no longer be fertile or bloody in so many years time. By the end I will no longer produce estrogen. As it is now, it's in it's early death throes. It's fluctuating along with other hormones which is why Pustulio showed up yesterday. Adult females are prone to zits because of the hormone fluctuations regarding the change into the menopausal state. Too bad mine can't hypnotize people to do my bidding, though. Then it might be all worth it, right? The flow and duration of my periods have changed as well, have for the past ten years. I also get menstrual cramping now, which I never did in my teens or in my twenties. I can't tell if I'm getting hot flashes, because I've kind of always had hot flashes so to speak because my body temperature runs hot. I don't have night sweats yet. I may never have those, as the effects of the change aren't a set thing for every women. The end result of the finality of your eggs and fertility, as well as the ceasing of bleeding and your estrogen levels dropping are always the end result. I just mean the things that could happen on the way to the end of that line. It's the same with trying to tally up your cycle to see when you're at your most fertile or when you'll start your period. It's only a guesstimate that it's every 28 days and your cycle can throw a loop and you'll have your period twice in a month (at the beginning and the end). Or you could skip a month, or three and not be pregnant. It's not a rare thing. Lady parts are a finicky woman indeed. She's unpredictable and you never know what she'll do... or won't do. You can't pin her down to a schedule of any kind. Which is why I have no idea when I'll be done with all of this fertility stuff and be on the other side in Menopause land; nor do I know exactly what natural obstacles will lie in my path. You might be thinking that I'm feeling my "biological clock" ticking and I need a man STAT so I can pop out a few babies. This couldn't be further from the truth. I'm almost thirty eight and I've never felt any desire to have a child. I still don't and feel pretty certain that I won't fall into that seemingly instinctual reproduction frenzy. I'm just not a pregnancy or baby kind of gal. Female friends my age and younger are feeling that apparent ticking like it's on an adrenaline rush. Faster and faster. They're cooing over babies and wanting to make little one's of their own more and more as the months roll by. That kind of scares me. I don't want to feel this weird obsession with making a baby; like it's something beyond my control, because really it would be. Biologically and scientifically it's the same as the strong feelings a woman has after a miscarriage. I did say the female reproductive organs were finicky and weird. I wasn't kidding. Reproductive organs are there to reproduce. Yet the female body is made to attack foreign objects. They're all seen a threat. This includes sperm. The female reproductive organs are meant to welcome sperm so that conception can happen, yet those same lady parts don't see sperm as a means to a baby, but as a threat and will attack and kill them. Which I think is kind of awesome and badass. So what does that have to do with miscarriages? Well, if you're a man or an uneducated woman, I needed to lay out just how mutable lady parts can be. Whether you wanted the baby or not, and whether or not your body wanted the baby, if a woman miscarries, it can send the hormones into a flurry and then you're depressed and listless. You would be upset if you were trying to a baby, but even if you weren't and you normally might be glad you're not going to be pregnant, it doesn't matter. You're body, because of your hormones, can decide for you how you're going to feel. The same can be said about the female "craziness" during pregnancy or even post-partum depression. It's all hormones and while that is really you because they're you're hormones, it's also not really you, because that might not be how you'd normally feel. Crazy right? It's also a thing that some women tend to be super randy in a certain time during their cycle, generally right before they start (or are starting) their period. I suppose it's because hormonally and instinctually this is an optimal fertility time? No one really knows why this is a thing with some women or why some women can always have this, or it starts up later in life. I just know it's rather bothersome, I suppose, because it's rather a new thing since I've started getting older. The feelings are so intense it wakes me up from sleep. The next day? I'm bleeding. What the hell, body? Up to your old switch-a-roo tricks, are ya now? This wasn't meant to be a post about how women's bodies can change. It's just things are changing and slowing and dying and getting all whack-a-do, even though that's normal, it's not been normal for me up to this point and it's weird and takes some getting used to. I kind of feel like I'm going through puberty all over again. All sorts of new and different things happening with my body and I don't understand them and have to look them up and deal with them. Throw out all the old knowledge that I'd tabulated on this shell, start from scratch, and relearn all these diagnostics. Again, I thought I was way past all this. So to wrap up, yep I'm dying like every human is. Being a female I'm starting to go through the change, but it's throwing me for a bigger loop that I thought it would, and Invader Zim still makes me laugh and is keeping me sane.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
Categories |