I have seen this basic sentiment shared so many times, but just was the most recent one I saw. They bother me to no end... because it's like comparing kittens to apples, y'all. OK, so I've watched various incarnations of Winnie-The-Pooh and his friends; from the people in costume in "Welcome To Pooh Corner" to the 1970s grouping of "The Many Adventures of Winnie-The-Pooh" to the late 1980s/early 1990s Saturday morning cartoon of "The New Adventures of Winnie-The-Pooh". I even finally got around the reading the books just a few months ago and the newest film, "Christopher Robin". These are about the same things that most of the people sharing this meme have seen or been exposed to. They might have seen newer things, but probably only if they now have children; but I've not heard-tell that these newer shows and films portray Eeyore any differently than Disney already portrayed him to be (which was a lot less grumpy than the books, I'll tell ya). The point is that every single damn time that Eeyore is asked to participate in something... he does it. He goes alone on the adventure, or the search, or attends the party. This is where things get sticky in comparing Eeyore to people suffering from depression. Any person (and it's a lot) that I've encountered who has suffered from depression (whether it's clinically diagnosed, or they simply believe that they are suffering from it) all say no. I get it. If you're depressed you don't have the energy or feelings to actually do anything, whether it's something you'd really like to do or not. However, always saying no, versus Eeyore always saying yes are two different things entirely. Plus, no one really thinks that the person has depression (because in my experience they never just come out and say it from the get go, it's much later; whether it's just because that's when they want to tell people or that's simply when they know), so when you keep asking your friend to hang out with you or do things and they constantly say no. That's when people simply stop asking altogether, because what's the point? Your friend just doesn't want to hang out with you at all. The main purposes, or theme, that I've seen running through these meme's is that Eeyore is always asked and included. But it's a two way street. Eeyore says yes, so continues to be asked to go on adventures, attend parties, and hang out with his friends. If Eeyore constantly said no, then after awhile everyone in the Wood would slowly stop coming to see him or inviting him and that would be that. One can say "But, depression!" likes it's the excuse for everything, but you think back on a personal time when you kept asking someone to hang out with you (depression is not involved because you don't know that), they kept saying no, and you eventually stopped asking. Go on, I'll wait. Because everyone is guilty of saying no too much (probably because they were depressed; diagnosed or not) and people fell away. One is also guilty of hearing no too much and being the person to fall away. Even if it's only happened once in your life. It has happened, I'm sure, because I've been hard pressed to find this scenario to not exist in someone's life at some point. I don't even mean that the person saying no is also purposefully ignoring you, sending out hate/negative vibes, talking about you behind your back, or treating you as lesser than, because that is an entirely different kettle of fish. I'm merely talking the slow, dramatic (non-emotional) no and even refusing to have the plans kicked aside in lieu of just hanging out together at their house. So, I get depression now that people have talked about it. I get not having the feelings or energy for adventures. I also understand that what I have battled with would be considered depression, though I've never been diagnosed for anything mentally. I've also been the person to say no constantly and to no longer be asked, and I've been the person asking who receives no and stops asking. People shouldn't make things about themselves, but they do. The friend constantly saying no is all about the person hearing no "Well, gee... I keep asking and they keep saying no, I guess they don't like me. What's the point in asking anymore?" It's the same as the person who tells you that you're ugly. It's not about you, but all about them. However, most people never register it that way and get their feelings hurt. I get that too. I've struggled with that. It's not easy to hear how ugly or fat you are on a daily basis. It might even be true (I mean I'm not societally beautiful and I'm certainly not even low/cute plus size, much less thin), but it still hurts. And even though it *might* be true to an extent, the person telling you is really just saying what they hate about themselves. They think they are fat and they think it's gross. Even if you, being the larger person, wouldn't consider them fat. So, perhaps the world having a discussion about mental illnesses (in particular, depression, because that is the topic I'm discussing) will help people realize that it's not about them, but the person struggling with the depression. But it's still a two way street. If you don't want to fake it till you make it, or take meds that's fine and that's all you, but then you can't very well complain about the people who stop asking you to participate (not until at least the consciousness has significantly shifted). Perhaps this is the way to make that happen, but it just pisses me off; this weird and illogical connection to Eeyore. As a fat person (someone who is considered medically obese, in fact), I can say this. But it's like the fat girl (just the fat girl, not because she has a medical condition or weird heredity), who keeps eating only junk food and can't see herself as beautiful or even see her body as just fine, magically expecting the entire world to accept her or that some magic wish will suddenly make her thin and everyone accept her. Whether you are fat or thin, we can both agree that that is not how that works. Sadly, you can accept yourself and be perfectly fine as a fat girl and the world will still have problems with you. It doesn't sting as much when they mock you, but it's still there and something you have to deal with. The entire collective conscious will have to first shift in order for the world to accept you. Is that possible in this life time? Who knows? Are the things that fat people and fat advocates promoting going to work? Who knows. So, either be like Eeyore, or don't. But stop saying no when he would say yes and then somehow make him the poster boy for some fantasy ideal on depression acceptance that you know isn't going to happen. People will always stop asking if you continually say no. It's just how people work. Until something shifts (if it even will?), they'll always take your no's as a sign that you don't like them. Yes, some people can still be cruel even if you do say yes, by wanting you to be happier or change, but you should actually cross that bridge when you come to it. As a fat girl, I've had people I counted as friends ask me why I don't want to lose weight, or "Are you really happy being fat?", "Here lets make you look skinnier." As a teenager and in my early twenties I took it for hate. But really, they are trying to be a good friend in the only (& misguided) way that they knew how. So, I cut those old friends some slack. You'll know (you'll feel it) if their intention is just plain mean. But, did I stop trying to have friends because 'What if they'll not accept me as a fat girl & be mean to me?'. Nope. So, if you're merely afraid that these things will happen if you say yes, you should probably dismiss any and all prior incidents or even try to have an open conversation with them. It's not an easy thing to do (Lord, don't I know it!) and the result isn't always what you hope for. Be prepared for the other party to take it as a personal attack (even if you are not personally attacking them, nor are being snarky or overly emotional about it), and you lose their friendship. I had this happen. It was terrible, in the moment. Until I realized that people come and go and you can only try your best and can not change the past. Sometimes there's no mending what's been broken, sometimes there is. You just have to learn to let go and move on. If you're not ready for that, then just don't do it. But sometimes the dialogue has helped immensely. I know that being fat doesn't correlate to being depressed, but there are a lot of similarities. Being fat can cause depression, depending on what the person is going through (it could be not losing enough weight on a fad diet, or through exercise, it could be the world closing in on you and attacking you for being fat, it could be the lack of support from family and friends, etc). And just as the world thinks you can snap out of depression, they think fat people can just snap out of being fat. We're both treated as broken, and if we just bucked up we wouldn't have the problem to begin with. I know one can't really fake it till they make it if there's a true chemical imbalance, or fake it till they make it and depression will never strike them again. That's not how that works. But I, and some other people, while we'll probably battle depression our whole lives (because that's the thing, right? It's never over?), it actually makes us feel better to do the whole fake it till we make it bit. As in, this particular time, I know that I can't handle people or what they might say and I'm just not feeling it. It's not a good day. But I will purposefully push myself sometimes. Push myself to do something that I want to do. Colour in a colouring book, or go out and take pictures, or go out with a friend. If I know that it won't be a calamity and I have the burst of energy to push, I do it, and it always makes me feel better. I haven't had many friends in a long time. But I've also evaluated that there are just things I do not enjoy. I do not enjoy drinking and I do not enjoy going to bars. So, I don't. Even if I could meet people there or socialize. I don't enjoy it. I've also found that refusing to believe what people say about me has worked out well. People used to tell me I was depressed. I had doctors say, "I think you might be depressed... you should see a therapist." However, my mother doesn't believe in therapists, so I never saw one. But just people constantly telling me I was depressed made me start to believe it, where before I just thought I was being me (& I probably had some level of depression, but still it wasn't dire circumstances). Once I started believing it, things became worse. I actually tried to commit suicide and became a cutter. However, there was always a part of me screaming inside "This isn't you!!!", so I never could actually shoot myself in the face, though I thought about it and pointed guns at my face, intent on doing it; or taking lots of pills and then forcing myself to vomit them up and become more upset because I couldn't even kill myself properly (of which I'm thankful for, actually). There's articles on being "helpful" towards fat people, by telling them they are fat and shaming them, which actually makes the whole situation much, much worse... but that's for a different post that I'm working on. That's when I decided I didn't want to believe. After a short time, (some months), I stopped cutting and trying to try to kill myself. I wasn't as deep in the mire as I had been. I kept not believing that I was depressed and found I could push myself to do something that I wanted to do instead of just saying I couldn't. The same thing happened with my lactose intolerance. My mom did take me to a doctor who said that I was. I was put on special diets with powdered milk and no ice cream or cheese and I was already being policed about food (because everyone believed I was fat - which made me believe it and is partly the reason I started making myself fat, but that's a whole other story there). I hated the restrictions, I hated my mom's control. But I also believed this about myself. In my late teens I didn't want to believe it anymore (I'd always fought against my mom by eating dairy foods anyways, because I wanted them, and yep lots of cramping, lots of gas, lots of discomfort, and it all came out tinged green, when it did finally come out). I started to unbelieve that I was lactose intolerant. I no longer have those problems anymore. It took awhile, because I'd not believe, but still hang on thinking, 'Oh surely it'll happen again.' but after I finally let go, I haven't had any of those issues in about ten years. I was always told by doctors that if you're lactose intolerant, it is for life. But, I wanted to make sure of that. It still seems to be the case, but this bit of info wasn't happening in my childhood and teen years, so wasn't talked about, but is quite interesting. This is probably what I did. However, no one was doing this study then, so no one was telling me that this *might* could be done. But, even though I got slammed with the label and believed it, I still wasn't going to deny myself the foods I loved, but was told I couldn't eat after age 7. So, I probably trained my body to accept lactose foods. I'll buy that. But I still think that it also took me not believing that I was lactose intolerant anymore as well. Considering that after 16 days I wasn't doing any better. In fact it took about twelve years of starting to unbelieve for me to no longer have any effects of being lactose intolerant.
But like I said before. I'll do me, you do you. You don't have to want to do what I do, or even believe it might work. That's fine. There's no hurt in trying it though, which is the very thought that made me do it in the first place. Just please, if you're going to always say no, then stop comparing yourself to Eeyore because it's illogical and doesn't make you come out looking good. Remember... Eeyore always said yes. Always.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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