Saw this on Instagram yesterday and all I could keep saying while screen capturing it for this post was, "That's not true..." There are grey areas with this that don't necessarily boil down to Using. I will agree that there are people out there who use others for their own gain and when they're done, they're done, but in my personal experience, and with others I have talked to, most relationship ends are not due to this.
Also I'm using the larger reference of relationship for family and friends, not simply significant others. Here's what I have noticed that mostly happens. Miscommunications. Both parties are pretty descent people, no ones out to use the other, but there's either some miscommunication simply between the two, and society teaches us to not make waves or question and simply to assume and if both parties follow this weird rule, then it's over. Nobody was out to get the other, one just got their feelings hurt over something unintentional and never brought up that it hurt their feelings, or the other didn't think to ask, or felt too awkward to ask. The other type of Miscommunication is Forced Miscommunication; in which a third party individual just convienently says a complete untruth or a twisted truth to one of the members involved and then it starts the cycle that I just stated above. This one seems to happen just about as much as the two party Miscommunication. I'm not certain why these people do this. They're bored? They're jealous? They just want to watch the world burn? I don't know the why-for's, but we all know these people exist, whether we want to conciously recognize them or not. Took me years to finally allow myself to recognize the one in my life. Chances are if your friend is suddenly cold to you, and super buddies with someone else and they both want to laugh at your expense, or your friend avoids you, unlike the time you didn't mean to say she looked tired and she took it out of control, then you have a Forced Miscommunicator present. Manipulating the situation for Control? There seems to be the same rhythm between them, as there have been others (not directly effecting me), but the bane of others. If someone likes you more than them (not even romantically), some sort of sabotage will happen so that everyone is praising them and putting you down. Then they seem to be happy. So, my one person. The first event I remember was a guy friend of ours suddenly hated me. I hadn't done anything wrong, not to my knowledge or otherwise (like there was nothing where I was thinking, 'Oh shit... did blahblahblah hurt their feelings?'). I kept pestering him to tell me what was wrong, what had I done. After two weeks, he turned around and confronted me. "I heard you said this, this, and this about me!" And just stood there. (I heard is always a bad sign. Gossip Monging is the MO of Forced Miscommunicators). I was taken aback, because 1) he was finally talking to me and it was GO time (sometimes I'm not real quick on my feet), 2) who'd said this stuff?, & 3) dudes got the balls enough to actually ask me this to my face, he certainly deserves answers (& obviously truthful answers - nevermind it took him two weeks to come around to it). "Yes, I did say that. I didn't say that. That third one's only partly true as it was taken out of context, what I said was, "........" It was obvious I was being straight with him (people can tell if people are lying or not, when they confront them). He was mad, but not at me. He was mad that he'd been taken for a fool by someone else. I asked him who said it and he just looked over his shoulder towards the group he'd just been headed to. There was only one person in that four person group that I'd said those things to. When I was in their good graces, I'd see how horrible they were to and about others. I saw them whispering into other peoples ears twisted truths and outright lies and saw how everyone turned against that person. When I knew for certain that's what this person was doing, I'd always pipe up with, "Hey, come on. What did they do for you to spread gossip about them? They don't deserve that." They'd just glower at me. One time in my coffee house they'd decided that this one person was beneath them and wanted everyone to make fun of them. I just sat there wondering what the hell kind of magic was happening. It wasn't magic, but what? Charisma? I'm sure whatever Hitler had that made him a good orator, because histories won't deny that. Or how Charles Manson could persuade people to do stupid and wrong shit for him. I'm not sure if you'd call it charisma or charm, but it's something. They were speaking what really I thought anyone should be able to see was rubbish; completely illogical. But one by one every person in that room was getting rather dreamy and agreeing with them. When they finally said, "___________ should die." and there was agreement around the circle my eyes bugged out of my head. "Hey, hold on a minute! Yeah, _________ can be kind of annoying sometimes, but you should never wish a person dead!" They looked at me defiantly, this person. Then as if broken by the spell, just about everyone in that group shook their clouded heads and realized what they'd agreed to. "Yeah... no. I like _________. I don't wish him dead." Then they glared at me. I figured I was gonna get it somehow, but I also did not like what was happening. One of the guys in the group, I've talked about him before. Sometime after this we wouldn't be friends. It wasn't because either one of us was using the other. It was because of Forced Miscommunication. This person would always make hangout visits just the two of them, but if they drove by my house and saw him there, they'd stop and bust up our friend visiting time. He moved to New Orleans for work for six months and this person always went down there to hang out with him, never once inviting me, or allowing me to go when I said, "Hey I'll go visit _______!" When he came back he absolutely hated me and would either ignore me or fuck with me. Fuck with me as in this one time when I was coming out of a store and he saw me. He stopped his car and motioned me over. Then rolled up his window and turned away from me and ignored me. I beat my fist on the glass and screamed, "You're a fucking asshole, _________!" I walked away, he rolled down his window and looked apologetic and motioned me back over just to roll his window up, laugh, and drive away. That wasn't this guy. That's not how he acted. I didn't find out then, nor when years later he called me up out of the blue and wanted to hang out. I gave it another go, but it was weird. It didn't last long (a week?) as he then found a girlfriend. Then after he had a kid with her, he came to see all of us and we started hanging out again. This was about twelve years after our friendship first ended. He was in a band and I went to see him. His sister was there and I always got the impression that she hated me, but she was SO happy to see me. She drug me around everywhere in that bar with her like we were long lost super BFF's. Words came out that night. Barely sentences, but I could piece it all together. I'd had my suspicions all along that it was that person who'd busted up this friendship, but I had no proof. This guy friend wouldn't talk to me when it happened, and that second sorta friendship time didn't seem like a good idea to just come out with it, so I didn't. "I always liked you. I wish we could have been better friends, but she.... but we didn't." She? That's interesting as there was only one she we ever had in common. But I said, "I always liked you too ________. Thought you were really cool." "It really hurt ____________'s feelings to know that you liked Justin & thought he was a loser." Ah-ha! I was right! But what I said was, "I don't like Justin & I never said your brother was a loser. Ever." "But you did." "I liked him for a week in the tenth grade before I ever met your brother. Also loser was mentioned, but not by me. I defended him." "Oh..." and you could see it all over her face that things were not adding up at all to what she thought was correct. So rewind and there was a night before everything busted up and this guy moved to New Orleans. Me, this other girl, and that person (who yes is a she) were playing foosball at that guys house. Him and the other guy went out for beer and left us there. That Person: "___________'s such a loser!" Me: "What? No, he's cool. He's not a loser." That Person: "I love Justin so much! I'm going to get him to sleep with me. I'll do it." Me: (uncomfortable, but nods) That Person: "I'm gonna get ___________ or ___________ to help hook me up with him." Me: I wouldn't. ___________ hates being compared to his younger brother, and I don't blame him as I was always compared with my older sister. So, that person pretty much twisted all of that around, said I said their parts and told the guy friend. Boom! End of friendship. Because what he heard is I'd called him a loser and they had defended him. I was in love with his younger brother and wanted to rub it in his face, but they tried to dissuade me. I also know why this is why me and the sister weren't friends. That Person, that's who. You might think I'm reaching, but after seeing that person in action for the past ten years and being on the receiving end of her gossip mongering, what the sister said was all the proof I needed of my suspicions. The Sister (capitalized, as in my sister) had one of these people. The whole group would be at each others throats because of gossip mongering. But when this particular person wasn't in town, everyone was friends, only to be at each others throats again as soon as they came back into town. They were a pretty feisty group (or just had a few feisty members, one being The Sister), so yelling matches and fights were had over the "you said!" "but you said!" until finally they all realized no one had said any such things, except the source; that one person. Both people were basically the same. Always stirring up trouble. For fun? I'm not sure. If you've seen Ugly Betty think the characters Wilhelmina Slater and Mark Saint James. But you had other people who did things base on pure and simple jealousy. Had this one girlfriend who was dating this guy were were friends with. I happen to say to her that I liked him (as in I thought he was a pretty swell friend), so then she made it a point to make out with him every time she saw me, because she felt I was somewhat of a threat or misinterpreted my feelings for him as love feelings instead of "he's a cool table lamp". They'd just be standing there, she'd see me and smirk cruelly, then start making out with him. When they were done he was confused, because he'd either been in the middle of calculating a pool shot or talking to someone when it happened. Their romance didn't last long. Probably because she kept mauling him, I don't know. None of it lasted long. What hurt, was not that they were dating, because I'd been fine with that, but that she was purposefully doing things that she thought would hurt me. She was trying to hurt me. She succeeded, just in a different way. So, I pretty much couldn't be friends with someone who would go out of their way to hurt me, plus she no longer seemed very interested in being my friend either. Later that guy wouldn't be my friend anymore and I'm not sure why. It's muddled. I don't think it was because of the friend he was or had been dating. I just know I went to meet up with him and another friend (the first one I mentioned who finally had the balls enough to ask me about all of it four or five years earlier) at Books-A-Million like we always did. This guy looked scared and was making a cross with his fingers and saying to get the hell away from him. (It's quite obvious that someone said something untrue about me. I might have been the type of girl then, on first appearance, you might have done this too, but he'd known me and been friends with me for two years. I've never been the type of person to warrant this treatment. I don't eat kittens or summon demons to drink blood or lock people up for them to put the lotion on their skin or whatever it was he was told that he stupidly believed). I turn to the other guy for answers, the one who I assumed would give me some sort of answer. He just hung his head and said, "Just leave it alone. You better go. Just go." He wouldn't tell me what was said about me or what I supposedly said or did. Later he hated me too and I don't know why. I'm sure more gossip mongering. Or perhaps he didn't know why our friend hated me, but after that he found out and also stupidly believed it because they're both completely illogical? It was a weird time. Because later The Sister became friend with both of these guys. These guys who couldn't stand me for whatever reason and would talk about me being crazy. Anyway, my point is. There was no communication from the Gossip Mongering Forced Miscommunications. You see it all the time in films and telly shows. Is it that it's so imbedded in our society that of course it would have to put into pop culture? Or is it that pop culture is continuing to perpetuate this myth that people can not have dialogue. It's difficult to get dialogue from people though I've seen. If they don't clam up, then they lie. Remember I said people could tell the difference? When they confront someone. Apparently if it's casually told to them they have no desire or need to question, so swallow the lies whole? I've confronted some people in my life to get answers. They deny everything, even if I have actual proof. One time this girl would gossip everything she heard. And like a game of Telephone, it would come out differently. The Sister thought I hated that she had a boyfriend. (What I said, because I thought I had a friend to confide in, was that I hated that The Sister and I never spend time together when she gets a new boyfriend. Which is true. The Sister has no qualms about confronting people, so confronted me. I told her the truth, because why would I not? I told her it was half truth and what I really said. She agreed what I'd said was true, but also to stop talking about her to people, which was sort of unfair. I couldn't talk to her about it. She said I could, but the next time and the next and the next she didn't have time to talk with me because of boyfriend. And doesn't everyone confide in their friends and that's OK? I just chose the wrong person.) So, I became wary around her in what I said. I'd even confronted her about that first incident. She denied everything. Even when I said, "You're the only person I said that to." "Well, eavesdroppers, then." "The coffee house was empty except for us, dumbass!" She still denied it. Why do people do this? But, then she was an eavesdropper herself as I was talking to a friend in the coffee house, it was just the three of us. This friend never talked to The Sister, yet The Sister found out about something. It wasn't about her, nor gossip worthy, but was I planned to go to the coast or something. Random things like this kept happening, where she was the only person who could have told, but she always denied it. Like she'd wear a smug smile on her face and make all the excuses in the world why it wasn't her (which most were just ridiculous). She knew there's no proof in words and he said/she said. What was I going to do? She smugly smiled at me while denying she said things about me, boo-hoo! No one's going to care. So, I made a control situation on purpose. I tested her. It was anything and everything she'd tell, so I chose sunglasses. I wanted to get a new pair of sunglasses but they were a bit out of my price range. (I did not, it was a complete fabrication, because I didn't want to give her anything real). I told only her, in a coffee house completely empty of people but the two of us. The next night, people I didn't know were asking how much the sunglasses were, or people I knew saying they could spot me if it wasn't more than $5. The Sister was even curious what kind of sunglasses. When she denied she'd said anything I countered with "No less than 10 people, some of whom I don't even know, know about these sunglasses I want to buy." "Wasn't me." "You were the only person I told." "You must have told someone else." "Oh, dear _________, I know that I did not, because I set this up. I was testing you. I specifically told only you with no listening ears around of some stupid, non-important thing to see if you would tell. You did. You FAILED." "You were testing me?! You can't do that." "I can. And I did. Stop fucking gossiping about me! If I hear anything I've said get back to me, I swear to fucking god!" What could I have done? She was huge, like almost six feet tall and not a twig. But, if you have enough power and conviction in your words, it generally works. Nothing ever got back to me, which means she was just really that good at gossiping, or she'd stopped. I'm betting she stopped because she was never that good at hiding her gossiping. But I've rambled on far too long, you get the idea. Miscommunication/Non-Communication & Forced Miscommunication/Gossip Mongering. But there's also another reason. Sometimes friendships just don't work out, none of the above factoring in. One or both of you start growing apart. When it's both, neither party seems to really care; you just start spending less and less time together and relationship dissolves and you're both free. Most times when one person is moving in a different direction and the relationship should dissolve, the other person refuses to see that this is the course and forces the relationship well past its due date. I have been in all three scenarios. I've had mutual disconnects where words weren't needed, we just went our separate ways. Sometimes if I think about it, I miss the past only, when we did get on well, and realize they were a good friend in their time, but am not sad that it's over. Other times I was the one holding on. One friend of mine, we'd been friends since we were about nine or ten. By freshman year of high school we really had moved on from each other. We were on two completely different paths. She was pulling away, yet I kept trying to reel her back in, because I couldn't admit it was over. I can't fault her for her next moves because I'd left her without any viable plays. She would ignore me and kind of talk badly about me because I wasn't following her (remember, she'd tried to basically call it quits before now) and would only call me or ask me to do something when all her other friends were too busy, or she'd had a fight with one of them. This treatment made me angry and feel like she felt I wasn't good enough. Then I realized it was kind of true. And I shop stop reeling her back in and call it quits on my end, which I finally did. We didn't part enemies, we just finally parted. Years later I realized that I was just as much at fault as her. Sure her later treatment of me wasn't nice, but like I said, I refused to let her go when she was ready to go, which is not nice treatment either. Other incidents kind of converge these two lines. We're moving apart and we just separate. Or no one's holding on or reeling in specifically, but it's what one would call a toxic relationship. Perhaps you've been friends so long that you don't even realize you can separate, so no one's trying, or perhaps they just aren't a good friend. So, you start pulling away until it ends. That person, the girl I knew who was the Forced Miscommunicator? I'd had enough of her treatment of me and others. It was not a good relationship. We were not sympatico in the slightest. Not anymore at least because I couldn't bat it away any longer. I started withdrawing and marching in my own direction. She kept trying to pull me back, but after a month or two and there was no excitement in the friendship, she let go. I only had to be mean to one person, which I still regret, but as a pretty logical and non mean spirited 15 year old, I saw no other options. She wasn't toxic really, just overly clingy and slightly imbalanced. It just wasn't working, our friendship. So, I'd nicely say that I didn't think we should be friends anymore, or at least not spend as much time together. She's get angry and storm off, but the next day she was trying to follow me into bathroom stalls and wouldn't leave me alone and acted like the previous afternoon had never happened. I tried this tactic in different ways with the same results. I even tried saying "I hate you!" or something else cruel after weeks of the previous. Same results. So, I tried ignoring her. That worked out about as well as hitting a tiger. She'd become angry, domineering, and forceful. Now it was starting to become toxic. She forced me with pain to write some stupid note. Her big idea was that we'd each write the same note to our crushes; twin brothers, and give the notes at the same time during second break. They'd fall madly in love with us and we'd marry them and be sisters forever. Only thing is, yeah I had a crush on that one twin, but he was just pretty to look at and I didn't want to date him. She was cuckoo-ka-choo for her guy in a scary way. Since she kept grabbing me by the arm and leaving bruises and breathing hate into my face, I figured I'd better follow along. Only I wrote two notes. I copied the one she wanted me to, because I had a feeling she'd demand to see, not trusting me (which is what happened); and then another note that just said they could come by my house any time and see my dad's classic cars. They both looked weird when we each handed them a note and why that's not the ideal thing to do to say come over and look at cars (you know bringing up in actual dialogue while they're having a conversation about classic cars is more human and ideal), I had to think of the least weird thing to write, because I was not giving my twin the craziness that girl forced me to write out. My note went over fine, as I knew it would. Barring the whole passing that in a note weirdness, they were both into classic cars. Her twin, however looked very, very scared. I felt sorry for him, but I had my own battles to fight. That however didn't end our friendship, even when she kept questioning me why my note went over so much better than hers and why they'd both come to my house, but my twin wasn't dating me yet. So, I told her of my sneekery. I thought I might die, but at least we wouldn't be friends anymore. Didn't happen. I had to resort to drastic measures. Even my guy friend thought it was cruel, but when I told him it was my last resort and I didn't want to do it and told him everything I'd tried before, he agreed that she'd left me with no options (and he was a pretty logical guy). We kept a notebook and passed it between classes and wrote little notes in it. It was fun when she was still fun, before she became scary and I tried ending our friendship that first time. But I figured that exposing her this way would surely end it. She didn't trust me and had the journal, but I managed to get her to give it to me. Second break rolls around and I start ripping out pages and handing them to anyone I passed; making sure she noticed. And one particularly juicy page about her twin to him. That did it. She didn't kill me. She raged and ranted, said I was crazy and she couldn't be friends with someone who was crazy (Oh really?) and the next morning she still hated me. It's not a shining moment, but it took everything I knew for FOUR MONTHS to get her to not be my friend. Don't be this person. Any of these people. Don't be a Gossip Monger or Forced Miscommunicator. It's not fun. Even for you. You think you're getting the control and admiration, but all of it is false. Don't do that to yourself. You're worth more than illusions. And those people are worth more than to be your puppets. Do you want to be compared to Charles Manson or Hitler? Do think for yourself and question things. Don't follow pretty, lulling words so easily. If you have questions, voice them. Talk to your friend and ask them what's up. That's the quickest way to put the negativity to rest and get to the source and to be friends again. Always be honest. Don't be that person who denies everything though it's perfectly clear to everyone that you're lying. You look like an ass. Now no one likes you. Be honest with yourself as well. If you know a relationship is ending, let it go. Admit to yourself that it is ending and it's OK. Part ways amicably. Communication is the key. If one of both parties clam up then the Manson/Hitlers of the world have won. I did say it was in pop culture and it's true. You see it all the time in films and telly shows. One friend is hurt and the other is hurt because they're getting the cold shoulder and DRAMA. By the time of the end of the film or episode when they finally realize what happened they're friends again. If they'd just communicated properly in the first place none of that senseless drama would have happened. They need it, apparently, to fuel scenes and flow the story. You do not need that type of drama in your life. You might find it entertaining to watch (I find it tedious), but in your personal life you'll become stressed out or depressed and all sorts of things happen to you during these events. Your hair can fall out, can turn prematurely grey, you can have stomach ulcers, indigestion, or gut/bowel troubles. You can even catch sickness more easily, as stress and depression can lower your immune system. Why would you want to do this to yourself? Besides all the more readily seen things such as over worry and over thinking of the situation or crying your eyes out or becoming despondent. Why put yourself through the obvious heart ache while waiting for other effects to take hold. Just ask the questions, and you on the other end actually answer honestly. Start dialogue. Dialogue actually solves a lot of problems. Sure you might find that the relationship is irreparable or you just need to part ways, but more times than not, the dialogue will help to rekindle the friendship. Also most people aren't out to use you. People fuck up and make mistakes. I've said things before, like anyone has, things that hurt the other persons feelings but there was no malice on my part at all. I'm not a monster, I just didn't realize that I said something stupid that I didn't realize was a stupid thing to say. You getting upset and us never being friends anymore because you took something, non malicious, out of context and not having dialogue with me when I ask what's wrong is a waste of time. We're friends, so if I hurt you, then I didn't know it. Tell me I hurt you and do you know what will happen? I'll realize what I said was stupid and I'll apologize (sincerely) because I never meant it that way or meant to hurt you. I love you, we're friends. I've even become hurt by what someone said to me. But a lot of times (and sometimes it takes a bit) I mull the situation over so logically that I realize there was no negative energy there. They weren't trying to be mean. But it effected me. I try to calmly tell people my feelings but they get very emotional and pin it all on me. I've even said, I realize you weren't trying to be mean, but it still hurt, and I guess it effected me more than I figured something like that would, it must be a button in me. I even admit it's partly me. But without the knowledge they'd not realize they hurt me (even unintentionally) and would keep pushing that button and if I can't take it, I'll end it. But they become overly emotional and blame everything on me, even though I was just opening dialogue and they don't apologize saying they didn't mean to hurt me and then their mad at me. That's not how that's supposed to work y'all. If you can tell me that I hurt you, then I should have every right to open that same dialogue if it happens the other way 'round. And if I can give you the common curtesy of apologizing and meaning it, why can't you? Do you not mean it? Probably with some people, but I think it's mostly that most people can't deal with their own internal shit and feel attacked and can't see it logically that we're not fighting, we're just staring a helpful conversation. I try to even say, "Remember when you came to me? Wasn't it helpful? Dialogue. Isn't that part of friendship? We discuss and figure each other out to be better friends, right?" But somehow they only hear (most, not all) that I'm pulling up something from the past, shoving it in their face, and I was insincere in that moment. *sigh* Dialogue people. Real dialogue. It goes both ways and it should work both ways. Unspoken things are not always good, no matter what you're led to believe. I've grown a lot in my life and wouldn't be where I am now in thought processes if I hadn't grown. I wasn't always this logical from the get-go or this understanding or this questioning without emotions muddling everything. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I'm not saying I'm better than you, but everyone moves at their own paces. I might have done more work simply because I think about things A LOT. That's just me. It doesn't mean if you haven't thought about things A LOT that you're wrong. I'm just saying that if I'm just me and I can grow through it and try to express myself and my feelings though I was always told not to, or to try to see if from the others perspective, then you have that ability too. Be the change you want to see in the world. That's a great place to start. Stop thinking so much about yourself (Yes, I did this) and think about other people. Don't make grand assumptions like everyone's out to get you or that you do no wrong, not that sort of thing. Or well, one must help themselves before they can help others so you'll have to think about yourself first. But not on a superficial level. Really think about yourself. Really dig deep and look at yourself. How do you really feel in certain situations? Can't you really determine whether that was said in cruelty or just off-handedly? Remember times you said something to someone and you could feel it hurt them. None of you said anything, but you know it made them sad and what did you feel? Probably sadness that you hurt them, but feel it out for yourself. Once you do this and you're honest with yourself then you can finally see other people. You won't be perfect at it and you can't make assumptions because nothings certain (like reasons and whys), but you'll be able to start real and non emotional dialogue. Or when your friend comes to you with questions or a concern, you'll remember that it was nice for you to open up to your friend and know for certain they didn't make it out like you were crazy or that they validated your feelings and didn't meant to hurt you; you'll be able to extend the same to your friend without thinking only of yourself and wrapping yourself into a defensive ball and blaming them. You gotta give a little lee-way, you've got to see the grey areas with people. Most people aren't monsters. Most people who are your friends really are your friends. As in they like spending time with you, getting to know you, treat you well, and don't want to hurt you. People fuck up without meaning to. Sometimes they realize it and hate they hurt you, but also don't know how to fix it. Sometimes you starting the dialogue is what helps. None of this, "Well, they hurt me!" or "if they don't know what they did wrong..." bullshit. Someone's gotta move first or nothing will ever go anywhere. Yes, I still encounter a lot of resistance in dialogue. But instead of screaming, "fuck you!" and storming away, I concede defeat. This person, for whatever reason, isn't up to the dialogue. I cut them some slack and try again at a later date. I pick my battles. I never bring up every slight and offense. I even let a lot slide. I choose the ones that really hurt and try to open dialogue with that. But also you can't be overly emotional. I know how much of a turn off that is. When someone comes at me strung out on emotions, I can't really believe them, because if people are upset or angry they'll say anything. Sure there's a bit of truth in there, but there's a lot that's not necessarily true and I don't have time to sift through that. Some can be compounded events over time by other people and that gets thrown into the mix. Some can also be things that happened but are blown way out of proportion because of time spent dwelling on them. You see this in shows too. Where two people are forced to work out their problems with a mediator. One person is the over victim and one's the over evil one. It's all imbalanced as both parties have blow the incident way out of proportion. Why? It's your brain. No seriously. You dwell on something with such strong enough emotions and it ends up become worse or better (depending upon the emotion) than it really was. Your brain also has to finish loops. If there's no ending and you think about it enough, your brain will finish it for you. Science has confirmed both. Which is why people no longer want eye witness accounts in courts because they really can't be trusted. I've been overly emotional before. It's not pretty and all sorts of things fly out of my mouth that don't necessarily pertain to the topic at hand. It's doing no one any good. I'm not going to be believed, they'll back off, nothing will be resolved and really they can't resolve all of my issues; things done by other people that I'm now throwing onto them. Sometimes I think it's easy, just open dialogue and yay! rainbows and unicorns. But it rarely ever works that way and if science is even saying that most humans are too emotional, yet the key to honest dialogue is lack of over emotionality in the moment, then is this a lost cause? Will we be doomed to relationships breaking because of lack of communication? Will the Hitler/Mansons of the world ultimately win anyways? Exploiting what might very well be an innate human weakness that can't be changed? And what of the girl who posted that? Saying that if she says bye to you, she was using you? That's alarming! Is she just saying that to deflect from the hurt she feels over ended relationships or does she really use people? Are most humans out there using people and I'm just clueless and naive? That's a sad thought, but I'm open to think about that. I won't say no and stand by my possibly idealized guns. But really if y'all are all out there using people, then just stop. It's not cool. At all. I get deflecting hurt by stating a lie, but really you're better than that as well, so move past that.
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AuthorA girl from South Mississippi who finds herself in exploration. Archives
November 2019
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